Saturday, January 21, 2006

12 o'clock, and all's well...

Well, haven't heard anything else from Veronica yet, so everything's all good so far. I figure if the weekend goes by & I don't hear from her, then it was just some sort of freak...occurrence.

And I know it sounds ridiculous, but thanks so much to all you guys who left comments stating that you had accidentally sent e-mails yourselves in the past; that makes me feel much better, because the first thing my friends said when I told 'em about the letter was "No way can someone accidentally send an e-mail", which didn't ease my mind at all, to say the least. I agree it would be unlikely, but I can see her absent-midedly hitting that 'send' button while she was perusing an old draft & maybe got distracted by something....maybe. Hopefully.

And, to answer a couple of your questions, I have good reasons to worry about her showing back up in my life, even though you haven't heard the whole story yet. But, like Dene speculated, there was almost 10 years of built-up insanity there, that I have no intention of ever putting myself in the middle of again. Why did I put myself in the middle of it in the first place? Well, it's a long story...but that's why you're here, I guess. It will take a good while to get into the meat of it, though, so to illustrate my point for now, I'll just give you just a few examples:

Crazy Things that Veronica Did over the Years (in no particular order):

1. Cut up all my t-shirts with a pair of scissors one night while I was sleeping, because she remembered something I had apparently said to her on our first date, 3 years earlier, that had made her angry. The fact that I had never said the thing that had made her so mad was incidental.

2. At a restaraunt, while celebrating my birthday, she became convinced that I was actually on a secret date with the girl sitting at the table behind us, and that I had been giving her secret 'hand signals' throughout the meal.

3. Spent an entire night, unbeknownst to me, parked out on the street in front of my house, because she was convinced that I was having an affair with a girl who didn't exist. I never would have known had Alan not drove up & seen her.

4. Woke up in the middle of the night, from a dead sleep, punched me in the side, and proceeded to get dressed, storm out of the house, and drive away...all because of a dream she'd had. She knew it was just a dream, but she was still mad that I had done whatever I the dream.

5. Called me collect, screaming & in tears, while on vacation with her family at the beach, because she had become convinced that I was having an affair with a girl that she had gone to grammar school with, that we had run into earlier that month in a video store. I had never seen the girl before or since.

6. Woke up one day & was convinced that I was the little boy who, when she was about 6 years old, had apparently lived in her neighborhood & tried to force her to take her clothes off one day before her mom had come outside & caught them. She was fully aware of the fact that I had grown up across town, but she figured I had just been keeping it secret all these years.

7. Accused me of being hired by her ex-husband to 'find out' things about her. This, after we had already been dating on & off for over 4 years, and over 5 years after her ex-husband had moved across the country.

8. This one still hurts my head: one day, my 12-year-old (at the time) little brother was visiting, and I was in the kitchen trying to make him something to eat. I told him that I had some french fries, but I didn't have any ketchup for them. She overheard this & stormed out of the house, slamming the door. I found out later that she was mad because she thought that the phrase 'no ketchup for my french fries' was meant to be a joke, at her expense, about us having sex while she was on her period. This conclusion seemed perfectly reasonable to her, as did the idea that I would tell a joke like that to a 12-year-old. In later years, she would deny that this event ever happened.

9. Became convinced that I had fathered my friend Molly's baby, even though she knew Molly had been living out of town for all but the last 3 months before she gave birth, and even though the baby was quite obviously bi-racial, and Molly & I are the same race.

10. Stormed off & ran out in tears in the middle of a party, after someone had asked how we had met & I had told them the story. Turns out, she had invented a whole other story in her head about how we had met that had never even come close to happening, and since I had no idea of that imaginary story & was just telling what actually happened, I was a lying bastard.

...and those are just the ones that come to mind right's early, yet.

So, that might give you a little idea of the craziness that I'm trying to avoid. I know it still doesn't explain why I dealt with it all in the first place, much less for so long, but I'm not sure I know exactly why, either...that's part of what we're here to find out. About all I can say to explain it is that, deep down under all that psychosis, there was a very warm, loving girl there, who, at times, was about as sweet as one person could possibly be, and she was crazy about me...that's hard to resist sometimes.

But, I do know one other thing; out of all the issues that I've been trying to deal with on this blog, the ones that I need to actually get over & shake off the most are not the ones where I'm still pining for Roxanne, or being hung up on's all the little neurosis' & complexes that I picked up when I was with Veronica. Like my mom said once; if you spend enough time around somebody who's that mixed up, eventually some of it is bound to rub off on you...and it took a while, but some of it sure did.

I just don't want to deal with it again. I wish Veronica the best & hope she lives a happy life, but I can't have any part of it any more....I've done my time.


Blogger Lanie Dinecola recalled...

Wow... I was victimizing the "next blog" button at the top of my page to find random blogs-- simply because I find it interesting to read what people have to say. I am ridiculously intrigued by your ex Veronica.. she sounds completely insane! But I like your stories.. keep writing and I'll keep reading!!

Saturday, January 21, 2006 12:22:00 PM  
Blogger Beth recalled...

I laughed at those.

She's on medication, right?

Because I know some crazy people, but thats just..I mean thats a whole new ball game.

I can totally see why you're panicking, but I've got bad news for you. She sounds like the kind of whacko that sent you that email to get a foot int he door. I think she was hoping you'd reply and say "Did you mean to send this to me?" thereby starting a conversation.

My advice would be to block her email address from your account, that way even if she tried to email again, it wouldn't get through.


Saturday, January 21, 2006 3:22:00 PM  
Blogger Oh So Wonderful recalled...

Oh, do I feel for you. "Crazed" doesn't even begin to scratch the surface. It's interesting how you see your self-reflection and the impact your relationship with Veronica has on who you are today.

I've been reading your blog (almost religiously, ha) and I look forward to your upcoming posts! Thanks for providing me with a great place to reflect, rewind, relax and laugh (it's at myself and not at your expense, ok?)! (:

Saturday, January 21, 2006 4:03:00 PM  
Blogger Mint Tulip recalled...

Wow...I'm not sure crazy covers it. I especially like the 'secret date with the hand signals' example. Again, wow.

Saturday, January 21, 2006 4:32:00 PM  
Blogger Jaded&Opinionated recalled...

As for Veronica, all I have to say is...

Thorazine Big-Gulp. ASAP.

And as I think about it, I did accidentally send an email once. I wrote a scathing diatribe to someone and saved it as a draft. I had decided to delete it, but sent it by mistake. Now, while I did have a minor panic attack for oh, 10 or 15 seconds, it wasn't that big of a deal. I had only decided against sending it because the person I was sending it to was a self-righteous bitch who would only think I was jealous as opposed to right. She absolutely deserved every word, I was just going to try to be the
bigger person," even though the concept would have been lost on her. But yep, it can be done...sending by mistake. Sheesh.

Saturday, January 21, 2006 5:19:00 PM  
Blogger Charlotte recalled...

wow, i had to reread a couple of those. what the fuck is wrong with that chick?

Saturday, January 21, 2006 5:53:00 PM  
Blogger Lynn-e recalled...

Unfortunately, I can relate as my ex husband sounds like the male version of Veronica. You just never know when something will set people like them off. It's scary, freaky, and demeaning all at the same time. And I wholeheartedly agree that after spending enough time with someone like that, you do begin to pick up some of their 'issues'.

Good for you for knowing that you are done with her. That's all you can really do.

Saturday, January 21, 2006 6:23:00 PM  
Blogger Jenn! recalled...

word...i have an ex that is that crazy...but i got the hell outta here and didn't sleep with him again once i saw that my friend, are much too nice.

smart to stay incognito...that girl is nutz!

Saturday, January 21, 2006 6:33:00 PM  
Blogger D recalled...

Ha. I hear ya! In so many ways. I don't think you're anywhere close to being able to the land of put-her-on-e-mail-block/delete/close-that-door-and-forget-about-it quite yet. I'm not saying you're not en route, but I think there's a few more pitstops to be made before we get to that stage, and it sounds like you know it.

As much as you love Veronica and wish her all the best, I hope that somehow this whole process can remind you that you love yourself more. So much that you will rise above this typhoon of a emotionally imbalanced woman.

On a side note, I'm finding it interesting up to this point in the story, you are seemingly most attracted to those sorts of women. It's nice to be needed, yes, but what do you think you got from it? Just a thought for the future. Never know when that cute girl at the Gas Station might smile back. :)

Saturday, January 21, 2006 6:45:00 PM  
Blogger chicaleecious recalled...


That is beyond psychotic.

Seriously though, it makes me feel sad for her and I'm not trying to make light of it...anybody ever see "A Beautiful Mind"?

Schizophrenia (spell check)is more like what it sounds like.... clinical you know? It seems like she hears a lot of voices in her head, unless of course she's just a huge fan of conspiracy theories.

I wish her the best too, but GOOD FOR YOU for being free of it.

Hope all is well.

Sunday, January 22, 2006 2:07:00 AM  
Blogger Shawna recalled...

I get it. Veronica is the loony lady who recently got that restraining order against David Letterman, right? Or her evil twin...

That still doesn't explain why you haven't changed your email to make sure that accidental (or intentional) email can't ever happen.

Sometimes, it's wiser to run from things then to attempt to prove you're strong enough to withstand them...

Sunday, January 22, 2006 3:07:00 AM  
Blogger lipbaby recalled...

HA HA HAHAHA this crazy chick is going to end up like my mom!! And my mom is CRAZY!! Her favorite line is "that never happened" What?? 37 people saw you do it or heard you say it!! Doesn't matter.. IT NEVER HAPPENED!!

Sunday, January 22, 2006 4:48:00 AM  
Blogger boneycdr2 recalled...

My heart goes out to you for what you are going through.

But you really do need to move on from this woman. Get yourself a bridge and get over her. Otherwise, you are going always going to driven to distraction by this person.

As much as I'm sure I behaved like a prat at times in some of my relationships, I never deserved or expected to end up on the verge of nervous breakdown over the antics of a few characters I've gone out with - including one woman who aborted our child after an argument.

I've always fallen for Beautiful But Bonkers Birds and it's just not worth it. If I just looked at my last girlfriend the wrong way she'd assume I was going to dump her. Another rang my answering machine 39 times demanding to know where I was when I didn't return her call and another HEAD-BUTTED me in the middle of an arguement.

The more I agonised over them each in their turn, the more I just drove myself into the ground. I'm fine about it all now but I tend to just steer clear of a certain kind of woman - and your ex is one of them. It's a mental health issue and she just sounds way too unstable. I don't mean to be crude but, but a man in a white coat sounds lke a more suitable partner for her than a still scarred ex.

Trust me on this - do yourself a favour and cut off all ties. Her mental health is no longer your responsibility.

One of the harshest bits of advice I've ever been given was from another girlfriend who suffered a miscarriage with our child.

She said: "Just get over it." There has to come a time in our lives when, yeah - we do just have to get over stuff if we want to get on.

Sunday, January 22, 2006 4:56:00 AM  
Blogger Give Your Head A Shake recalled...

I suspect Veronica has bi-polar disorder with paranoiad delusions. My best friend suffers the same affliction and has the same types of consipiracy theories tripping off in her mind all the time. She takes medication to keep it under control, though, and she's doing well with that. I hope Veronica can get the help she needs. When it's chemical, there's no amount of behaviour modification that can overcome the crazy.

Sunday, January 22, 2006 9:42:00 AM  
Blogger pookalu recalled...

oh. my. god.

veronica is psychotic. outside of her apparent delusional disorders. and yes, most, if not all, women have what my friend calls the "crazy broad gene." (he also says that all men are just dumb.)

is veronica by any chance, Polish? a very very good girlfriend of mine has that slightly psychotic/"crazy broad" tendency, and it definitely gives me pause, since her sister and her female cousin both exhibit that same behavior. one story ended up in a restraining order placed on one of them (because she was pissed off at her ex and rear-ended him and tried to beat him up).

i am kidding about her ethnic origins.

brush off that bad karma, and for her own good, i hope that she figures things out! and you too, of course.

Sunday, January 22, 2006 10:21:00 AM  
Blogger Liz recalled...

LOL. This made me think of that recent news story about David Letterman being sued by a woman who was convinced he was sending her secret signals. Like anytime he said Oprah meant I love you.

The more I read, the more you sound like a glutten for punishment.

Maybe you should ask for a reader rollcall... get one of those maps from bravenet (free). Maybe your hometown reader will out themself, not knowing they are even in your city. Then you can rest assured... or not.


Sunday, January 22, 2006 7:51:00 PM  
Blogger Chelle recalled...

Geez Ex. Soemone up there suggested blocking the email so it doesn't reach you. ***That idea is solid gold.*** Don't let people like that control your world or you will end up needing a bed in the psych ward!

Sunday, January 22, 2006 7:54:00 PM  
Blogger ohmyluv recalled...

It's best that you stay clear of her. Nobody can fault you if ever you do that. Based on what you wrote here, she really needs medical attention. She could be suffering from major insecurity issues because of what's happening in her life but you don't have to be a part of her life until she gets better. You deserve so much more. She could be crazy about you but there will be others who will truly be crazy about you and are not "crazy".
I think you keep dealing with her because you pity her in a way. And you are way too nice to desert her when she needed you. I too,once have a friend who carries so much baggage with her, in a way like Veronica, and I have to let go, even though I hated myself for it, because I know that sooner or later I will turn out to be just like her. And that is one thing that I don't want to happen. At first the guilt is there, but try to be strong and think of what she is doing to your life. You'll get over it somehow. You have to love your self too.

Sunday, January 22, 2006 8:11:00 PM  
Blogger True recalled...

Veronica sounds more like Borderline Personality Disorder.

Sunday, January 22, 2006 8:22:00 PM  
Blogger the girl recalled...

Geez....this woman is almost textbook borderline personality disorder...the rages, the imagined/perceived offenses...been there, done that, escaped with a few random bruises.

anyhoo--i've been reading you for quite a while--bravo for your writing and your courage in putting it all out there.

Sunday, January 22, 2006 9:56:00 PM  
Blogger Carney recalled...

If you don't put this girl out of your life you're self-destructive. End of story.

I can't believe you've got all these women hanging on your every word. But wait they are internet chicks after all.

Friday, January 27, 2006 2:08:00 PM  

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