Skating away, on the thin ice of a new day...

You know, I almost feel like somebody just took a huge splinter out of my foot...

I don't know how long it will last, although I'm optimistic, but writing all that down definitely made me feel...well, better, anyway. In a lot of ways, it was kind of like going through it again; I was able to gloss over a lot of things until the end, when I just couldn't deal with it anymore. The thing is, the whole business has been a part of my life so long, that it's almost become a part of my personality. I'm not sure if I'll ever really get...over it, as much, but I'm hoping now that I might can at least look at it all...well, through glasses that are a little less rose-tinted, at least.

Thanks so much for all the comments & kind words you guys have left over the last couple of days; some of the things you've written have really meant a lot, and as always, they've made me think. Especially thanks to all you who had never posted before; thanks for coming out of the woodwork, and, in some cases, giving me a peek into your lives, as well. Since I'm not quite up to diving right back into it today, I might as well try to address some of the things a few of you have left in your comments.

A lot of people commented on how sad it was that Kara's life turned out like it did; let me just say that I really have no idea how her life has turned out, outside of a few rumors & tidbits here & there. I know she'd had some rough times, but I don't know if that's still the way things are. I know she has a marraige, a house, and a kid, and in a lot of ways, that's more than I've got. For all I really know, she could be perfectly happy in her dream life right now, and I honestly hope she is. I doubt it, but I hope she is.

As to what's next for the Project; I'm just gonna keep going...there's still a good ways to go yet. Honestly, Kara was only the beginning of the story, in a lot of ways. And, trust me, if there have been times in the story so far when you've wanted to smack me & ask me what I was thinking...well, they definitely won't be the last.

Someone...more than one person, actually, suggested the other that my story would make a great movie & that I should turn it into a screenplay, and, while I certainly appreciate the comment more than I can say, I can't imagine a longer, more boring or depressing movie; not to mention the fact that, as Pro-Divorce mentioned, it's completely lacking any kind of satisfying ending. Plus, it's way outside my proven genre, and unless I throw some zombies in or somebody gets possessed, I'm not sure I'd even know how to do it.

What I will do, however, is entertain the question that Painkey asked me about who I would cast in the movie version of my life, just because I think it sounds like fun. The first hurdle to overcome, actually, would be bringing John Hughes out of retirement to direct the damn thing, but we'll burn that bridge when we come to it...

Anyway, the cast...

For myself, my first choice would have been John Cusack, but he's already played the part once before...you might've seen it; so, he's out. Also, I can't really pick someone just on the basis that they look like me, 'cus I don't really look like anybody famous. The only famous person I've ever been told I look like was Kiefer Sutherland, and believe me, I don't look a goddamn thing like Kiefer Sutherland. Actually, that's not the only person; while that Dawson's Creek show was on the air, all of a sudden, all the little girls behind the Burger King counters were telling me I looked like the other dude on that show that wasn't Dawson, but I saw the guy & I don't really see it so much, and he's nowhere near a good enuff actor, anyway. So, since resemblance isn't a factor, I guess I'd have to say either a young Nicolas Cage, when he was still cool, or the guy who played Mike Damone in Fast Times at Ridgemont High...

For Kara...man, that would be a tough one. Only person in the right age range I can think of who has the acting chops to pull it off would be Reese Witherspoon (ever see her in Freeway? That was Kara on a bad day.), but they don't look anything alike, and Kara would show up on the set with a sniper rifle if she ever heard she was being played by a blonde, much less one who...well, never mind.

If we were gonna cast by resemblance...that's still a tough one. Catherine Zeta-Jones is too tall & about five years too old, but with the right lighting, it might could work. In fact, she sorta already played the part herself...in that same movie with Cusack. Damn.

Roxanne would be a real close contender for second-billing with Kara...I guess it would depend on how long the movie was. She's an actress, and, knowing her, she'd probably insist on playing the part herself, and she'd somehow manage to be even more amazing at it than in real life. If I had to cast someone else, I guess I'd say Natasha Lyonne could probably pull off the role best, they have some similar mannerisms, but she's nowhere near pretty enough...or tall enough.

Veronica would get next billing, just by virtue of the huge amount of screen time she'd have. There are 2 possibilities for her; either a younger Kim Cattrall with a push-up bra, or, if you decided to try and make the character more sympathetic, the girl from the American version of The Office would probably work. Or maybe Laura Linney...

Gloria - Michelle Williams; no doubt about it.

Maria - Alison Mack...Chloe from Smallville. She would be my first, second & third choices, but if the studio made me go for somebody more famous, Reese Witherspoon would be really good in this part, as well.

Andi - Kirsten Dunst

Angela - maybe that hot assistant from Will & Grace if she were about 15 years younger. Or Dominique Swain, 'cus she seems kinda kinky. Angela, god bless her, would not require a lot of acting talent in the role...

J.C. - Rachel Leigh Cook, definitely. If we couldn't use her, then maybe Jodie Foster...


That would be the main cast. Of course, there would be other roles. Alan would be played by either Conan O'Brien or a young Dick Van Dyke; Pete would be played by that kid who became the vampire's minion in Fright Night; Roxanne's brother Jerry would be played by Rob Zombie; Julia Louis-Dreyfuss could reprise her role as Elaine; Joe could, strangely enough, be played by Matt LeBlanc; Lisa Loeb would make a pretty accurate Heidi, if she can act; we'd cast Jason Schwartman in a cameo as Ted & Lisa Bonet as Paris, the exotic clandestine hooker.

The rest of my friends could be played by the members of either N'Sync or Danzig; we could digitally re-create my friend Eric from unused footage of James Dean; Sissy Spacek could play my momma, and my grandpa would be essayed by none other than the legendary Rory Calhoun. Hell, maybe I'd pay to see that, after all...


Of course, all this is a moot point, because we're still lacking one thing a movie has to have: a happy ending. If any of you ladies out there would like to help me write one, I'm down for a collaboration...