Thursday, January 12, 2006

Skating away, on the thin ice of a new day...

You know, I almost feel like somebody just took a huge splinter out of my foot...

I don't know how long it will last, although I'm optimistic, but writing all that down definitely made me feel...well, better, anyway. In a lot of ways, it was kind of like going through it again; I was able to gloss over a lot of things until the end, when I just couldn't deal with it anymore. The thing is, the whole business has been a part of my life so long, that it's almost become a part of my personality. I'm not sure if I'll ever really get...over it, as much, but I'm hoping now that I might can at least look at it all...well, through glasses that are a little less rose-tinted, at least.

Thanks so much for all the comments & kind words you guys have left over the last couple of days; some of the things you've written have really meant a lot, and as always, they've made me think. Especially thanks to all you who had never posted before; thanks for coming out of the woodwork, and, in some cases, giving me a peek into your lives, as well. Since I'm not quite up to diving right back into it today, I might as well try to address some of the things a few of you have left in your comments.

A lot of people commented on how sad it was that Kara's life turned out like it did; let me just say that I really have no idea how her life has turned out, outside of a few rumors & tidbits here & there. I know she'd had some rough times, but I don't know if that's still the way things are. I know she has a marraige, a house, and a kid, and in a lot of ways, that's more than I've got. For all I really know, she could be perfectly happy in her dream life right now, and I honestly hope she is. I doubt it, but I hope she is.

As to what's next for the Project; I'm just gonna keep going...there's still a good ways to go yet. Honestly, Kara was only the beginning of the story, in a lot of ways. And, trust me, if there have been times in the story so far when you've wanted to smack me & ask me what I was thinking...well, they definitely won't be the last.

Someone...more than one person, actually, suggested the other that my story would make a great movie & that I should turn it into a screenplay, and, while I certainly appreciate the comment more than I can say, I can't imagine a longer, more boring or depressing movie; not to mention the fact that, as Pro-Divorce mentioned, it's completely lacking any kind of satisfying ending. Plus, it's way outside my proven genre, and unless I throw some zombies in or somebody gets possessed, I'm not sure I'd even know how to do it.

What I will do, however, is entertain the question that Painkey asked me about who I would cast in the movie version of my life, just because I think it sounds like fun. The first hurdle to overcome, actually, would be bringing John Hughes out of retirement to direct the damn thing, but we'll burn that bridge when we come to it...

Anyway, the cast...

For myself, my first choice would have been John Cusack, but he's already played the part once before...you might've seen it; so, he's out. Also, I can't really pick someone just on the basis that they look like me, 'cus I don't really look like anybody famous. The only famous person I've ever been told I look like was Kiefer Sutherland, and believe me, I don't look a goddamn thing like Kiefer Sutherland. Actually, that's not the only person; while that Dawson's Creek show was on the air, all of a sudden, all the little girls behind the Burger King counters were telling me I looked like the other dude on that show that wasn't Dawson, but I saw the guy & I don't really see it so much, and he's nowhere near a good enuff actor, anyway. So, since resemblance isn't a factor, I guess I'd have to say either a young Nicolas Cage, when he was still cool, or the guy who played Mike Damone in Fast Times at Ridgemont High...

For Kara...man, that would be a tough one. Only person in the right age range I can think of who has the acting chops to pull it off would be Reese Witherspoon (ever see her in Freeway? That was Kara on a bad day.), but they don't look anything alike, and Kara would show up on the set with a sniper rifle if she ever heard she was being played by a blonde, much less one who...well, never mind.

If we were gonna cast by resemblance...that's still a tough one. Catherine Zeta-Jones is too tall & about five years too old, but with the right lighting, it might could work. In fact, she sorta already played the part herself...in that same movie with Cusack. Damn.

Roxanne would be a real close contender for second-billing with Kara...I guess it would depend on how long the movie was. She's an actress, and, knowing her, she'd probably insist on playing the part herself, and she'd somehow manage to be even more amazing at it than in real life. If I had to cast someone else, I guess I'd say Natasha Lyonne could probably pull off the role best, they have some similar mannerisms, but she's nowhere near pretty enough...or tall enough.

Veronica would get next billing, just by virtue of the huge amount of screen time she'd have. There are 2 possibilities for her; either a younger Kim Cattrall with a push-up bra, or, if you decided to try and make the character more sympathetic, the girl from the American version of The Office would probably work. Or maybe Laura Linney...

Gloria - Michelle Williams; no doubt about it.

Maria - Alison Mack...Chloe from Smallville. She would be my first, second & third choices, but if the studio made me go for somebody more famous, Reese Witherspoon would be really good in this part, as well.

Andi - Kirsten Dunst

Angela - maybe that hot assistant from Will & Grace if she were about 15 years younger. Or Dominique Swain, 'cus she seems kinda kinky. Angela, god bless her, would not require a lot of acting talent in the role...

J.C. - Rachel Leigh Cook, definitely. If we couldn't use her, then maybe Jodie Foster...


That would be the main cast. Of course, there would be other roles. Alan would be played by either Conan O'Brien or a young Dick Van Dyke; Pete would be played by that kid who became the vampire's minion in Fright Night; Roxanne's brother Jerry would be played by Rob Zombie; Julia Louis-Dreyfuss could reprise her role as Elaine; Joe could, strangely enough, be played by Matt LeBlanc; Lisa Loeb would make a pretty accurate Heidi, if she can act; we'd cast Jason Schwartman in a cameo as Ted & Lisa Bonet as Paris, the exotic clandestine hooker.

The rest of my friends could be played by the members of either N'Sync or Danzig; we could digitally re-create my friend Eric from unused footage of James Dean; Sissy Spacek could play my momma, and my grandpa would be essayed by none other than the legendary Rory Calhoun. Hell, maybe I'd pay to see that, after all...


Of course, all this is a moot point, because we're still lacking one thing a movie has to have: a happy ending. If any of you ladies out there would like to help me write one, I'm down for a collaboration...

27 Comments:

Blogger Ex-Addict recalled...

The PERFECT follow up to yesterday. Very fun!

Thursday, January 12, 2006 2:45:00 PM  
Blogger Jenn! recalled...

collaboration? I've been giving it my damndest (is that a word?)
;)

Thursday, January 12, 2006 3:33:00 PM  
Blogger Fitzgerald recalled...

You know, that's really too bad because I think Cusack would have been beyond perfect for the role. And I also feel that your story would have been better then "High Fidelity" (and that's a compliment because I liked that movie.)

By the way, I'm hooked on your writing. I discovered it the other day and havent been able to stop reading since.

Thursday, January 12, 2006 3:35:00 PM  
Blogger Jaded&Opinionated recalled...

Johnny C is one of my favorite actors, in part because I've known him since 1988. Long story. No, I'm not famous. But I used to be on the fringes of the almost famous. I delude myself by thinking that it still counts, lol.

The hypothetical casting choices gave the whole story a visual for me that I didn't have before. It might could work, or they might say, um, hey, didn't Cusack do a movie like this? Hard to tell. Might make an interesting book, though. Yeah, I know that HiFi was a book too, but, in the written form, it's really vastly different. You're a rather good writer, and a compelling story teller.

Thursday, January 12, 2006 3:58:00 PM  
Blogger Beth recalled...

Can I just say:

High Fidelty - Best.Movie.Ever.

I love John Cusack..he's just your average Joe and that just makes him so damn hot its untrue.

It certainly sounds like an interesting cast though!

Ands what you said about there not being a satisfying ending..I think we place too much emphasis on that. Life doesn't always have happy endings. Its about time the media started to reflect that!

I think maybe you should write a play rather than a movie script...

Thursday, January 12, 2006 4:25:00 PM  
Blogger Jhena recalled...

John Cusack is a good choice. If ever you change your mind, just post here when is the showing.

now I'm glad to read about the next girl.

Thursday, January 12, 2006 6:01:00 PM  
Blogger Ana recalled...

hey www.anasexistance.blogspot.com my blog check it out

Thursday, January 12, 2006 6:14:00 PM  
Blogger Althea recalled...

Interesting cast... although I have to read the whole story first to comment about it. I have 5 months to go back. But I know from the recent ones that it will be an interesting journey.

Just give us a holler on when is the showing.

Thursday, January 12, 2006 6:57:00 PM  
Blogger Oh So Wonderful recalled...

Such an amazing story! I continue to look forward to the rest of the chapters of your life...

Thursday, January 12, 2006 7:10:00 PM  
Blogger PrincessMax recalled...

Hey! That last paragraph showed so much progress! Up to this point, you've talked about feeling just uninterested in new girls, almost asexual.

Maybe the project is working. :-)

Thursday, January 12, 2006 8:34:00 PM  
Blogger ExBF recalled...

Well, maybe it is, at that. Something seems to be working lately, even if it's nothing more than me being sick of punishing myself for everything I've ever done. Slowly but surely...

And I did notice this one girl at the gas station tonight....

Thursday, January 12, 2006 11:51:00 PM  
Blogger Charlotte recalled...

If you're talking about Pacey that's Joshua JAckson and he is too a good actor! well ok, if we're talking about the acting on the show he was the best thing on it, and that isn't saying much. (can you tell i might have had a crush on him in my life?)

awesome post.

Thursday, January 12, 2006 11:54:00 PM  
Blogger chicaleecious recalled...

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! Sorry I'd been MIA - was on vacation & lost internet connection for over a week and just got back to civilization. Now I have to catch up with your writings - I can't believe I'd missed all you'd written - apparently, I missed a lot!!!!!

Meantime, yes, I see now why you'd root for "Chloe" :) - mom got Smallville Seasons 1-4 for Christmas and I geeked out watching them through the Holidays. I personally like "Lex" - go figure!!!!

BTW, "High Fidelity" is one of my ALL TIME favorite movies. If this blog turns into a film, it would probably beat it out.

Catch you soon.

Friday, January 13, 2006 12:17:00 AM  
Blogger Pharod recalled...

Something that has nothing to do with the subject: 'Change the new colors of the links! :p'.

Friday, January 13, 2006 6:00:00 AM  
Blogger pookalu recalled...

exbf -- noticing someone at the gas station is a GOOD start...now you just have to talk to those females that you notice! ok, how about eye contact?

hey it's a new year, and if you don't like the one from Jan 1 2006, the chinese lunar new year is coming up!

(i agree with everyone else, not only is HF one of my favorite movies, but i also adore john cusack)

Friday, January 13, 2006 8:02:00 AM  
Blogger Mint Tulip recalled...

Wow...had a lot of reading to catch up on! Glad you've gotten all the Kara stuff out...and love the movie casting---as for a happy ending, not all movies have them you know. Of course, it pisses me off when they don't, but they're still good---sometimes. And please, no zombies. ;o)

Friday, January 13, 2006 8:42:00 AM  
Blogger Brooklyn recalled...

AT THE GAS STATION??? IS THAT THE ONLY ONE WHO HAS CAUGHT YOUR EYE IN SOMETIME?? IF SO YOU NEED TO GET OUT MORE!!

Friday, January 13, 2006 9:10:00 AM  
Blogger Joe recalled...

I'd leave now but the Guild insists we sit through the credis

Friday, January 13, 2006 9:31:00 AM  
Blogger Chelle recalled...

"down for a collaboration"??!!?? You sweet talker you!! LOL!

Glad to see you finally smiling through the words on the screen. :-)

Friday, January 13, 2006 9:31:00 AM  
Blogger PAINKEY recalled...

Im so excited and I just cant hide it ;)
Seriously, I am gonna think this one over. You know, think of all the re-makes that are going on now. Its how you tell it and what spin u put on it that makes great movies.
Love John C. Reese is good, Cloe is cute, and who said Zombies cant be in it. One could be made up and get CJ for ya!
This movie would like be a cross between Great Expectations(which also reminds me of your blog) and the 40 yr old vrigin. Bc its been a while for you and the comedy of you getting back in the mix would jsut be hilarious!!!!

blog u later ;)

Friday, January 13, 2006 10:29:00 AM  
Blogger Z recalled...

Your story is amazing X, I admire your strength, for it would be so hard to go back and force myself to relive everything -- I hope the project has helped you so far, and I look forward to reading more about your life. You are a very giften writer, you have kept me hooked ever since I first stumbled upon your site :) Hope all is well.

Friday, January 13, 2006 11:31:00 AM  
Blogger ExBF recalled...

Bless your lil' heart, Panikey, but please don't compare me to the 40-year-old vrigin...even if I do have more toys than him ;)

Friday, January 13, 2006 12:01:00 PM  
Blogger True recalled...

You had us at John Cusack. You killed us with Rob Zombie.

Friday, January 13, 2006 6:02:00 PM  
Blogger Pro-Divorce recalled...

X, if Catherine Zeta-Jones is going to play Kara, I want to play you. I know it doesn't end well, but I'm willing to deal with that for those numerous love scenes that will be taking place.

Oh yeah, no body doubles, please.

By the way, I'm glad to hear the end is not in sight. Not that I enjoy your rehashing the pain of your youth, but like I said the first day I found your site, I love your writing.

Friday, January 13, 2006 9:20:00 PM  
Blogger Kar recalled...

I love your blog can't wait to hear more!!

Monday, January 16, 2006 2:31:00 PM  
Blogger chickenbaby recalled...

Cheers for putting your life on the net for everyone to read,i have wasted so much of my employers time reading it .

Tuesday, January 17, 2006 9:29:00 AM  
Blogger Leena (Ileana) recalled...

Hahaha happy endings are too overrated in Hollywood. It's so sad that movies always have to end in them. But I suppose that's what separates movies and real life. It's not the little fairy-tale instances, but the big picture of how, sometimes, things just aren't omniscient and happy. People are so unsatisfied NOT knowing if Gloria was really pregnant, or if Kara is actually happy now.

I say you try a book deal, even if it's not in your general genre. This would make a lovely memoir. Props for writing all this, too. I quite admire your courage to go out and tell thousands of anonymous readers such personal anecdotes. Perhaps after more life experience, I'll do the same myself. I see so many similarities between your world and mine, and many others I know. I can't wait to see how the story progresses.

Saturday, February 17, 2007 11:42:00 AM  

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