Tuesday, January 3, 2006

Strange days, indeed....

Thank all things holy that the holidays are over...

And thank god for my friends. Thanks to them, once again, what could have been one of the worst holidays of my life ended up only being mediocre...and that's saying something. Really.

My poor momma moved out of her house today...a house that my grandparents own, by the way. She was basically kicked out two days before Christmas; told that she had to be gone by the new year. So, we moved her into my brother's little place for now, and I hope my grandparents are very pleased with themselves. Mom's pretty tough, and she's taking it pretty well, but it makes me sick to my stomach. We'll take care of her somehow, though, and the only saving grace out of all this is that, when my great-grandfather does finally pass, though hopefully it won't be too soon, she'll finally be able to buy her a little house to settle down in, and she deserves one more than anybody I know.

Aside from that, my houseguest left yesterday, also...and I'm still not sure what, if anything, happened between us while she was here. I'm leaning on the side of nothing, for now, but who knows. Kristen & I have known each other for over seven years, she's Alan's wife's best friend...which basically makes her the female equivalent of me in our little group, and aside from some flirting & maybe one kiss the first time we met all those years ago, nothing at all of that nature has ever happened between us. We've slept in the same bed, been on vacations together, been to weddings, endless parties, bonded every possible way one can bond, and not once has either of us even thought about the subject, as far as I know...until the other night? Maybe?

Ok, granted, it was new years eve, and the both of us were pretty well smashed...only thing was, I wasn't quite smashed just yet. I was tipsy, but I don't like to drink a lot, so I tend to moderate, and I definitely remember what happened...

First of all, we were outside on the patio smoking. I was talking to Alan's brother-in-law, and she walked up in the middle of our conversation. The dialogue would be meaningless to you without knowing us both, but basically she started snuggling up to me, all cozy like, and saying how handsome I looked in my sweater (that I had borrowed from Alan). Now, my friends & I are an affectionate bunch, and so this still isn't that unusual, but like I said, she & I, close as we might be, still aren't quite as touchy-feely as me & a lot of my other friends are. Anyhow, Greg, Alan's brother-in-law, then notices Kristen's rather large breasts popping through her sweater & rubbing against me, and proceeds to make some sort of joke about them, to which she replies that I "had all week to see them, but I'd decided to be a gentleman, for some reason".

Ok, now first of all, Kristen is, first and foremost, a nice girl. She's a grown woman, but she's very old-fashioned in most ways, and she's usually not the type to make remarks like that...but, again, it was new years and she was drunk...so I still didn't think to much about it. So then, Greg leaves, and she keeps on hugging me & starts saying how much she's going to miss me when she leaves, and how much I'm apparently going to miss her as well, which is nothing unusual, but she goes on & on about it for a minute & puts her arms around my neck, and several times, we're just inches from each each other's face, and if it was anybody else, I would have definitely thought something about it...but it wasn't anybody else, it was still Kristen...so I let it go...but then later...

It's after midnight, and I had already used the new year excuse to lay a kiss on every girl in the house, and I'm sitting in the living room next to my friend Elaine (for anyone who doesn't remember who Elaine is, she's my platonic best friend, my mother & my sister all rolled into one, and the Elaine to my Jerry...hence her name. We're as close as 2 people can be without being involved, and even though we have absolutely no romantic feelings for each other whatsoever, some people just won't accept it... ) on the sofa & she comes in and sits down across from us, and after a minute, Elaine tells me that she's getting some kind of vibe from Kristen, like she's staring at her or something. I just figure she's drunk & messing with us or something, so I go over & sit next to her, and she starts telling me how I obviously won't miss her when she leaves, because I have Elaine here, and I'm secretly in love with her anyway. Now this is something that we would normally joke about, but this time, she just keeps harping on it, over & over...to the point that it made me notice that she was harping on it.

Now, I'm not secretly in love with Lanie, nor she with me (though our lives would probably be a lot easier if we were), and everybody knows that when it comes down to the wire, but she took it farther than the joke is usually taken...and I might not have even noticed it then, had she not done it again 10 minutes later...

I was coming out of one of the back rooms & we ran into each other in the hall. She put her arms around my neck again & started telling me how much we were going to miss each other, and how sad it was that she was leaving, and I sort of pressed/half was-pulled by her up against the wall, and again, we were just inches away from each other. I was even more tipsy by this point, so, after about a minute or two of this, she reached up to pull me close to her & as we hugged, my mouth was just an inch away from her neck, so I sort of just...nibbled on it for a second. She didn't pull away...she didn't have time to do anything, because just then, Pete came up with his impeccable timing, literally bumped right into both of us & said "What's up?". Good question, I thought...

But, yet again, it was new years, and we were both drunk, so even at that point, I was prepared to let it all go. After all, we've been through a lot together over the years, and sharing a drunken moment at a new years party is certainly not the strangest thing we've done together. But...the rest of the night, after the party, when we were almost sobered up again, nothing else really happened, but she did bring up the Elaine thing again, and seemed very...concerned about it, or at least concerned about giving me shit over it. And we were all cozied up on the sofa together for a while before everyone went to bed (we all stayed the night at a mutual friend's house), which is not totally unheard of, but I swear it was a good bit cozier than usual. And if it was anybody else but her...

But that was basically it, and I'm thinking more & more that I'm just making a mountain out of a molehill. With everything happening with the move & all, I didn't really see her before she left, but I haven't heard from her, or heard anything from anyone to make me think that it was anything other than in my head. So, for now, I'm just gonna chalk it up to the liquor & the season...'cus the very thought of something happening with Kristen & I is....well, I dunno what it is.

If you asked me about Kristen under normal circumstances, I'd probably say something like "She's crazy, but she's our crazy.", which is actually less true than it used to be. Kristen did used to be a bit...moody & unpredictable back in the day, but she's actually grown up quite a bit these days; a hell of a lot more then her friend Bess (Alan's wife) has. She's a really sweet girl with fiery red hair & freckles from a little town in the mountains a couple hours from here. She comes from a pretty wealthy family, but, unlike Bess, she's totally down to earth & un-materialistic. She's only had one or two real boyfriends & she can still count the guys she's slept with on her fingers with some digits left over. She's smart, she has a good job, she owns her own home, she doesn't smoke, she's absolutely gorgeous, she has about 20 pounds more on her than most girls, but she's still totally hot, she wants to get married & have a little white picket fence and, I guess she's actually every guy's dream catch in a lot of ways, now that I think about it...

We did have a very, very brief period of flirting when we first met, and...I guess I'll just admit it, I did sort of have a little crush on her for a week or so. Truth was, her moodiness & unpredictability back then reminded me of.....oh, I'm sure you know who. Actually, they have more than a few personality traits in common, but thankfully, only the good ones....mostly. Nothing came of it, though; she was already interested in another guy she'd just met, and I was still in the process of breaking up with J.C., whom you'll soon get to know well. And, ever since, we've just been friends...almost steadfastly so. I can't even really imagine thinking about her any other way nowadays...but I guess I know deep down that I probably could, given a reason. I've put up a wall there, somewhat, but I've torn down walls for girls a damn sight less lovable than she is...

But, it could be an absolute nightmare. First off, she's so close to the circle she's almost family; so I have to take into consideration the fact that, much like Angela & I (another of our friends that I dated, but who, thankfully, I never got that close with), were she & I to get together and then break up for some reason...she would still be around....she's in for life. I know that sounds screwed up, but welcome to my world...I have to think about those kind of things ahead of time. Second of all, she's already dated one of our other friends, which would be weird. Hell, it would just all just be weird, period....we're all too damn close. Also, she's still pretty damn moody & unpredictable, and aside from that, the real question is: we've had years & years in which to hook up; why would she just pick now?

Ya' know, I think I'm doing what my grandpa would call "puttin' a long tail on that kite...". I'm all but positive that this is all in my head anyway, so I'm getting just a wee bit ahead of myself, here. Sure, stranger things have happened, but this one would still be pretty damn strange, so for now, I'm just gonna plan to burn that bridge when I come to it...as usual.

Still, I swear something was goin' on...

19 Comments:

Blogger Moon Watcher recalled...

The truth comes out when we are drunk. She is still thinking about you now. Because you didn't act on it at the time, it leads me to believe there is a good reason for that. Be flattered but don't be with her just to be with her.
Happy New Year!

Tuesday, January 03, 2006 6:47:00 AM  
Blogger Mint Tulip recalled...

First of all, I hope wonderful things happen to your mom soon.

Second of all, sounds like an interesting New Year's. And I whole-heartedly agree about not dating within 'the circle'. Several of my friends used to rotate through our other friends...and even though a few of my male friends have tried---and some of them too hard---my rule was always no dating in 'the circle'. Much more complicated than it would be worth in most cases.

Tuesday, January 03, 2006 7:25:00 AM  
Blogger Jenn! recalled...

sooo you're a neck nibbler when you're a little toasted, eh? hahaha sweet.

gotta agree with what they said above...it's a little tricky to date within a circle of friends. i've got a close friend like that myself that i would never date cuz we share too many friends...would make things just weird.

Tuesday, January 03, 2006 9:19:00 AM  
Blogger Trix recalled...

Aw, don't listen to any of 'em! It was a party. You were drinking. Don't over-analyze this one. Chalk it up to booze, horniness & Happy New Year. Don't worry yourself over it anymore.

Happy New Year, BTW! Here's to a wonderful 2006!

Tuesday, January 03, 2006 9:28:00 AM  
Blogger Brooklyn recalled...

WOW! I LEAVE TOWN FOR A BIT AND MISS A WHOLE BUNCH.... I AGREE WITH MOON WATCHER.... ALCOHOL TENDS TO BRING OUT THOSE DEEP DARK HIDDEN EMOTIONS... BUT IT ALSO CAN AMPLYFI FEELINGS THAT AREN'T REALLY THERE TOO.....

SEE WHEN MOST PEOPLE GET DRUNK THEY DRUNK DIAL...NOT ALL THE TIME BUT MOST.... INSTEAD YOU JUST DRUNK CUDDLED ALOT....

IT HAPPENS....

Tuesday, January 03, 2006 9:29:00 AM  
Blogger PAINKEY recalled...

haha, I knew something was gonna go on. Its human nature. 2 singles, same house, all them days, yeah boy, it was bound to happen. you know, its all about timing right. maybe back in the day the time wasnt right, opportunity presented itself now and she went for it but in her own way. i can understand the circle of friends thing, but were all adults here, its wierd if u make it that way....

glad you let us in on the details ;)

Tuesday, January 03, 2006 10:06:00 AM  
Blogger Chelle recalled...

Listen to your heart, but follow your head - don't let your heart make the final decision - that just leads to trouble!!

Tuesday, January 03, 2006 10:16:00 AM  
Blogger The Dummy recalled...

Well, you know how they say we guys need to get hit over the head with a frying pan before we realize someone's onto us...

...so I'm gonna imagine that girl was trying to hit you over the head with it.

Sure, it's weird given the closeness, but that vibe is there, and you weren't imagining it.

Tuesday, January 03, 2006 11:35:00 AM  
Blogger Ex-Addict recalled...

I'm glad you color code these girls. Otherwise, I'd be TOTALLY confused. Have a great 2006!

Tuesday, January 03, 2006 12:48:00 PM  
Blogger Lynn-e recalled...

I may be in the minority here, but getting involved with someone who is a friend isn't always a bad thing. It can become a very good thing and can be a great way to start something. I guess I'm being an optimist. jmho...

And I'd say something was going on. Definitely. 2006 has certainly had an interesting start for you.

Tuesday, January 03, 2006 3:39:00 PM  
Blogger Liz recalled...

Do you think Alan would have an idea of what the deal was (meaning he can ask his wife)? Well, I would only do that if you are actually maybe interested in this girl, if not let it go and brush it off.

You said that you shared one kiss with her before... what happened there?? Maybe she has been carrying a secret torch for you all this time. :O)

Its good that your mom has her kids to help her out right now during this tough time. Good luck to you guys!

Tuesday, January 03, 2006 4:54:00 PM  
Blogger Jaded&Opinionated recalled...

Food for thought...

From one of my all-time favorite movies....

"if I ever go looking for my heart's desire again, I won't look any further than my own backyard. Because if it isn't there, I never really lost it to begin with!"
~Dorothy "The Wizard of Oz"

Tuesday, January 03, 2006 5:04:00 PM  
Blogger Manda recalled...

okay are you crazy??? how much more forward can one get without crying out, "LOOK AT ME I'M INTO YOU!!!" ??? she's worried about Elaine because she's jealous... she's going to miss you because she wants to be around you... and she's disappointed you were a gentleman because she hoped something would have happened between you two. come on sweetie, turn the lightbulb ON. :-) you've been sitting in the dark for way too long....

i think people are the most honest when drunk. (even if it means we become so honest that sometimes we betray our sober-scared-insecure selves.)

just my opinion.... :-)

Tuesday, January 03, 2006 6:13:00 PM  
Blogger True recalled...

Women are not that subtle in those drinking moments. You make me feel better about my own situations X. I love how it remains on your mind. I think being friends first helps - at least you both know the baggage you come with.

Tuesday, January 03, 2006 6:22:00 PM  
Blogger Charlotte recalled...

some girls take awhile to realize that you practically have to hit a guy over the head with the fact that you like them. and once they realize it, they go about it in the weirdest ways ... i know from experience. may be she didn't just "pick" right now, but she was finally in a position to hint loudly at the fact that she thinks you're the neatest thing since ribbed condoms, without feeling like a total loser - bonus - if you turned out to not feel the same way she could turn around and say she was drunk.

or i could be wrong. either way sounds like you had a somewhat interesting new year ;)

Tuesday, January 03, 2006 8:03:00 PM  
Blogger J recalled...

En vino veritas.
In wine, there is truth.
You get me?

Wednesday, January 04, 2006 12:02:00 AM  
Blogger ExBF recalled...

Jaded...you can't be all that jaded if you're quoting from the Wiz ;). Very true, tho...

J: I do get you...I do.

Wednesday, January 04, 2006 6:40:00 AM  
Blogger Pro-Divorce recalled...

X, if Kristen has "rather large breasts," how could you not go for it?

Friendship is one thing, but I'm totally weak when it comes to big cans.

Wednesday, January 04, 2006 2:20:00 PM  
Blogger chicaleecious recalled...

Late in my comments - but hope things with your momma are better. Sorry to hear about the house mishap :(.

Stay strong!

Friday, January 13, 2006 12:22:00 AM  

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