Monday, October 10, 2005

After the fall...

Yes, that's right; I used the title of a Journey song, and if in this late day & age, you still think Journey's uncool, then I can't help ya'...now let's move on.

So there I was, heartbroken & more than a little pissed, but determined to actually get over it & move on with my life this time. I figured at least one out of the 2 was possible, and the summer was just beginning, so I set about doing what every young guy does after he's had his heart broken: drink & screw the pain away.

But it wasn't just that simple; as I said in my audio posts, I had had a moment of clarity right after the Kara incident...I didn't want to just bury the pain or transfer it somewhere else, I wanted to really & truly change my life. Everything about it, from the way I looked at it to the way I looked at myself; I knew I deserved better than the hand Kara had dealt me (or, more accurately, that I had dealt myself & just let her hang onto for a while), and I was gonna get it. In the words of Steve Martin, "Things are going to start happening to me NOW!"

Luckily, me & all my idiot friends had all just hit the legal drinking age, and so things were pretty easy to make happen. We were young, legal, somewhat handsome, and totally free of all responsibility, and I have to say, the first month or so after Kara & I broke up, I hardly had any time to think about it. We were out almost every night, at some bar, some party, or someplace or another, and for the first time in what seemed like years, I actually started to notice that there were other girls in the world.

Still, in the very beginning, my friends thought they'd try and give me a little push. At the time, Alan & Pete were both working in a swanky, upscale restaurant (where they even had to wear tuxedos just to freakin' wait tables...how they did it I'll never know; if I have to wear a shirt with a collar, I get uncomfortable), and the receptionist there was a cute little suicide blonde named Molly. Molly was pretty popular with the wait staff, due to the fact that, unbeknownst to the management, her other job involved dancing topless on tables for money. I had met her once or twice when I had gone to visit the guys at work, and she & Alan & Pete had gotten to be buddies, but she had a rule about dating co-workers. I, however, was not her co-worker, and Alan got it into his head that, since we were both a little freakish, we would make a good couple, so with a little prodding from the guys, we were set up on date together.

So, long story short we go out to eat & see a band one night, and we end up making out a little bit at her place afterwards. We both had a good time & we planned to get together again the next week, but afterwards, I knew I didn't feel any real chemistry with her. Luckily, we ended up talking soon after & she felt the same way; we both had a lot in common & had a great time together, but there just wasn't any spark, so we decided to just be friends (I didn't know if it was possible, but I figured I'd give it a shot). We started hanging out quite a bit, and she would always go see all the bands with me that my friends never wanted to go see, so it was worked out pretty well.

A couple of weeks into our friendship, Molly & I were talking, and she said that it was a shame that we weren't attracted to each other in that way, but that she had a friend who had another friend that was looking to be set up with someone...she had never met the girl, but she trusted her friend when she said she was very easy on the eyes. Also, the girl in question was of a rather exotic ethnic origin, which I have to admit, I found very intriguing. So, I figured what the hell, what have I got to lose? I told her to set it up & we'd see what happened.

So, Molly arranged for me, her, her friend, and the girl I was going to be set up with (let's call her Paris) to meet at the club where Molly's friend worked & where Paris apparently worked as one of those girls who walks around selling flowers & little glo-sticks. We showed up, and Molly's friend called us over to the table, and I saw the girl sitting next to them that I hoped & prayed was Paris...'cus she was freakin' hot, pardon my French. It did indeed turn out to be her, and the little man on my shoulder did the little "jackpot!" sign as I smiled on the inside. Anyway, we sat down, and I remember us saying about two words to each other before she had her hand on my leg. I didn't know what I had done right, so I just pretty much kept my mouth shut & the drinks coming, and by the end of the third drink, we were outside on the patio, leaning against the railing with her tongue in my ear. At this point, we had said maybe five words to each other....

Molly kept looking over and giving me that knowing smile that I guess is the female equivalent of the thumbs-up-you're-gonna-get-some-sign, but I was just kind of in shock at the speediness of the whole situation. I figured Molly musta given this girl either a good sob story about me, or karma was just paying me back the interest it owed from Kara, 'cus the whole thing seemed too good to be true, but I wasn't about to say anything about it. In fact, looking back on it, I don't think I remember one single word that I ever said to this girl...but I remember several things she said to me, like about halfway through her fourth vodka tonic, when she leaned over in my ear & whispered "I want to be in a hot tub".

Alrighty then, hot tub it is! As it happens, she had the access code to an apartment complex down the road that had one, so I gave Molly a big thank-you hug, piled Paris into my car, & we took off. Somehow, I managed to keep the car on the road while she was whispering directions to the place & doing other things to my ear, and I remember sitting there thinking that maybe this stuff really doesn't just happen in the movies.

So, long story short (I don't do details), we got to the hot tub, things happened, one poor little man coming down for a midnight soak almost had a heart attack, and I came home that night with a helluva story I couldn't wait to gloat to my idiot friends about. It was pointless, meaningless sex, but boy howdy it was fun, and it made me think about Kara just a little less that day, and back then, that was nothing to shake a stick at.

So the next day, a Saturday, I'm sitting outside on my porch with all my idiot friends, telling them all about the night before (I guess I used to do details sometimes), and they're all talking about how they're gonna ask Molly if she has any more friends on Monday at work, when the phone rings...and it's Paris. All the idiots rush around the phone to hear whats going on, and as I push them away, she asks if I have any plans for that night, 'cus she'd really like to see me again. This phone conversation made it about 25 words that we'd said to each other now, but I figured I could talk anytime, so I told her I'd pick her up at 8. Only problem is, I was still living at home at that point, so I'd have nowhere to take her to do the deed. Luckily, Alan came to the rescue with the keys to his sister's place, that he was housesitting for the week.

So, I pick her up that night at her grandmother's place where she lived, and again, long story short, things happen. I was halfway expecting Alan & the gang to show up outside with periscopes to get a peek...and for all I know they did, but if so, we didn't notice...I doubt we would've noticed much. Afterwards, I asked her if she wanted to stay the night, but she insisted on going home...she said she still had to talk to some people about work before she went to bed. I thought it was a little weird, but I wasn't gonna argue & so I gave her a ride home, came back & went to sleep in my own bed with as big a smile on my face as possible.

Then, the next morning, I got the phone call.

It was about ten o'clock, which was early for me on a Sunday (or any day, really), and it was Molly on the phone, and I knew it must be important, 'cus that was early for her, too. I asked her what was up & she said "Are you awake yet?"

I said "I am now!"

She said "Are you sitting down?"

At this point, I started to worry. Not panic, but worry. I hadn't known Molly for that long, so nothing too tragic could be happening involving me, right?

"No, I'm still in bed."

"Well...get out of bed. Then sit down."

"Molly, what the hell's goin' on?"

"Well...okay. What exactly did Paris tell you she did for a living?"

I had to think about it for a second...I had still only said 40-50 words to her "She said she was a flower girl or something...why?"

"Well...she's not."

"Ok, well, what is she, a spy?"

"Did you sit down?"

Oh boy. This can't be good... "No, goddammit, Molly, just tell me".

"Okay, fine. She's a hooker."

At this point, I switched ears, 'cus I had surely heard that wrong...

"She's...a what?"

"Yeah, she's turnin' tricks. I just found out from (her friend), and she didn't even know 'til yesterday. Apparently she works on (a local, very famous) campus. So, you might wanna get yourself checked out."

I was frozen. I knew it wasn't a joke, 'cus Molly didn't have the best sense of humor....so I just freaked out.

"You mean...let me get this straight...you tell me you have this friend of a friend you want to set me up with, and so you hook us up, I sleep with her twice, and now you tell me she's a prostitute?"

"Well, she didn't charge you, right? So it's not like you were her...."

"THAT'S NOT THE POINT! the point is, I could now DIE, and the other point is that YOU SET ME UP WITH A PROSTITUTE!"

"But I didn't KNOW she was a prostitute...she sure as hell doesn't look like one! Man, I bet that girl can charge whatever she..."

"AGAIN...NOT THE POINT, MOLLY!"

So, long story short, Molly was more amused at the situation that mortally frightened, as I was. Right away, all the potential worst case scenarios started racing through my mind; body parts falling off, spending my last days in one of those oxygen tents, having to tell the female nurse what really happened....I was freaking out. Hard. Molly apologized in between the laughter, and I hung up the phone to see what emergency clinics were open on Sundays....but first, I dialed Paris' house, to give her a piece of my mind.

The phone rang, and I sat there wondering what I was gonna do; did I just come out and accuse her? Do I ask her if it's true? Do I just yell at her off the bat? It turned out not to matter, because the answering machine picked up after a few rings, and a sweet, little old lady's voice told me to leave a message. I almost let loose with a tirade right there, but I couldn't bear to break someone's grandma's heart, so I just hung up & resumed freaking out. I called up Alan & told him what had happened, and just like the supportive, loving friend he's always been, he started rolling with laughter. He then reminded me how I had said the whole situation had seemed too good to be true, and I reminded him to go fuck himself.

So, another long story shorter, the next day I go to the doctor, have the full work-up, and I'm healthy as a horse....but just as pissed. I finally confronted Paris about her moonlighting, and she tried to downplay it, but never denied it outright, so I never talked to Paris again. Molly, on the other hand, was lucky I kept talking to her after the incident, but I knew she hadn't known or she never would've put me in that position. She told me that Paris had told her friend that she had really liked me, and thought maybe we could actually wind up dating, so I told her to give Paris some advice from me; 1. If you like a guy, don't screw his brains out in a hot tub 2 1/2 hours after you first meet, and 2. Don't have sex with other men for money; it tends to put a damper on other potential relationships in your life.

And I thought life without Kara would be boring....

24 Comments:

Blogger Dr. Feelgood recalled...

Man, that is the funniest shit I ever heard.

Cheers

Monday, October 10, 2005 9:45:00 PM  
Blogger Ana recalled...

LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL and once again for good measure LOL
i totally agree with Rich. at least now u can laugh about ut.

Monday, October 10, 2005 10:27:00 PM  
Blogger chick recalled...

what happend to your chatterbox?
:o(

Monday, October 10, 2005 11:51:00 PM  
Blogger ExBF recalled...

The Chatterbox was causing pop-ups :(

Tuesday, October 11, 2005 12:03:00 AM  
Blogger Manda recalled...

one word.....

damn!

:-)

Tuesday, October 11, 2005 12:04:00 AM  
Blogger Girl Turned Sideways recalled...

at least you can see the humour in it....it's not funny but at least you're still laughing :) good luck and watch out for what's too good to be true :)

Tuesday, October 11, 2005 12:22:00 AM  
Blogger Damaged Goods recalled...

After that story I'm going to start having sex in a space suit... scary!

Tuesday, October 11, 2005 12:34:00 AM  
Blogger michellesarah recalled...

Ahh thank goodness, I can get an update that isn't audio! I can't really bother those who live around me with your escapades, I seem to be the only one who enjoys them in my household!

I'm a definite fan of the text posts...

But what a way to re-enter the dating scene!

Tuesday, October 11, 2005 1:13:00 AM  
Blogger Charlotte recalled...

oh.

wow.

;)

Tuesday, October 11, 2005 1:54:00 AM  
Blogger mad recalled...

thank god you were ok...that was funny and a good story to share with the mates :)
you know it could only happen to you ....lol

Tuesday, October 11, 2005 5:52:00 AM  
Blogger MandyGirl recalled...

ha HA! great story.

Tuesday, October 11, 2005 8:06:00 AM  
Blogger Jennifer recalled...

I'm sorry, but that's really funny. Only becuase I already know you're okay.

Tuesday, October 11, 2005 8:31:00 AM  
Blogger Pro-Divorce recalled...

X, I'm starting to question the validity of your story. Surely, all this bad stuff cannot be happening to one person. I mean, how does the line go, 'even a blind squirrel finds an acorn once in a while.'

You haven't caught a break yet. I posted in a previous comment that I based on what you had written up to that point, that I found you may have been a little needy back then, a little clingy, to be so wrapped up in the Kara relationship where you were constantly dumped on.

I think some people in life, for no apparent reason, simply aren't allowed to have certain things. For some people, it's money. A lady I work with, no sooner than she comes into a windfall, her husband finds a way to have already spent it.

For me, it seems to be relaxation. It's like if there isn't something causing an issue in my world, I create one.

For you, it must be love or friendship with women. Because no matter who it is or how it starts, you end up losing in the long run.

So, to answer your original question that created your blog, maybe there is no reason in particular why this happens, God has just said, "X is going to get fucked by women."

Tuesday, October 11, 2005 9:35:00 AM  
Blogger ExBF recalled...

Pro-D,
I caught my share of breaks where girls are concerned....I just always screwed it up, and those are the stories worth writing about. Sure, I could write about the handful of short flings that didn't end in tragedy, but mostly they meant nothing, and if they're relevant, I'll at least mention them.
It wasn't all dead roses, but I haven't been able to keep one alive very long, either...

Then again, the next Ex in the chronology is a bit more uplifting tale...stick around

Tuesday, October 11, 2005 1:10:00 PM  
Blogger chick recalled...

your story reminded me of something similar ...not excatly but similar. I wrote about it on my bloggie.

I didnt get any pop ups from the chatterbox...maybe cuz i have pop up blocker.

Tuesday, October 11, 2005 1:17:00 PM  
Blogger SHROUDMASTER recalled...

"So, long story short (I don't do details), "

The devil's in the details my friend and thats why people keep reading.
Not every nose hair level of detail,
but you've got to do better than
"I don't do details"...

Tuesday, October 11, 2005 2:14:00 PM  
Blogger On the Radio recalled...

Paris=hooker....never saw that coming....

Nice blog, I think I am more hooked than I like to admit:)

Tuesday, October 11, 2005 2:16:00 PM  
Blogger mikey recalled...

i dated a girl for a long time who exclaimed one day "my magazine finally came out!" and it was a total porno that she had shot before we met in LA. she made me buy a copy and she signed it for me. then my next girlfriend made me throw it out.

Tuesday, October 11, 2005 3:43:00 PM  
Blogger chick recalled...

lol @ mikey

Tuesday, October 11, 2005 4:13:00 PM  
Blogger Liz recalled...

Omg. That cracked me UP! Are you still friends with Molly? Because that is something that you can always give her shit about:)

At least Paris liked you enough to give it to you for free;)

cackles.

Tuesday, October 11, 2005 5:11:00 PM  
Blogger Mo recalled...

hey, just found your blog. i think you have some really great stories and really great introspection as well. figuring out your life might be a tall task, but you're well on your way.

Tuesday, October 11, 2005 5:54:00 PM  
Blogger Megan recalled...

No more audio posts!!! I can't hear them (for SO many reasons) and now I have no idea what's going on... help!

Tuesday, October 11, 2005 8:06:00 PM  
Blogger Donald recalled...

In nmy wildest dreams, I can't ever see a hooker dishing it out to me for FREE. I wanna grow up to be you.

Monday, February 26, 2007 8:24:00 PM  
Blogger Donald recalled...

I'm thinkin' that that snowstorm in Colo and Kansas should have been your sign from God...the closed hiways, the gates down..."Stay in Colorado where you have friends, job, nice house, maybe a future" says He. A turning point. How would life have turned out had you gone back from that Kansas motel and stayed out West?

Monday, February 26, 2007 8:34:00 PM  

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