Somebody, save me....
Woke up this morning in full-on panic mode...still halfway there.
After writing what I had written last night, I got up this morning, and the first thing I saw was a mail from Veronica in my inbox.
At the first sight of it, I almost lost it; you guys might not have picked up on it yet, but the easiest way to describe it is that I live in sheer abject terror of that woman coming back into my life. Also, it had been several months since I had heard from her, and she usually makes some effort to contact me at least every few months, so I figured it was time. The last time I had seen her, we had run into each other at a concert in the park and had some very tense, uncomfortable words...and I took off before her son saw that I was there so I wouldn't have to see him & add more guilt upon guilt. That had been ugly enough...and she hasn't tried to contact me at all since...even over the holidays, which I totally expected her to do. But, it's been ugly before, and she's always showed back up at some point, so, ever since, I've been sort of on edge every time I check my olf mail account...just waiting for the V-bomb to drop again.
Then today...I get this e-mail....and of course, right away, I expect the worst. However, after reading it, I don't know what to think. I'm actually hoping against hope that it was all a big mistake...
Of course, the first thought that ran through my mind was: she's found it. She's found the project, and....well, something bad's gonna happen. I dunno what, but something. Bad. Thankfully, that didn't turn out to be the case.
She started the letter with 'It was so good to hear from you again...glad you had a good Thanksgiving'. Well, I haven't talked to her since August...and there would be no way for her to know if I had a good Thanksgiving. She didn't mention any other holiday, either, just Turkey Day.
She then started talking about how our breakup had been hard on her & her son, like it had just happened recently...and she asked about my grandfather, but didn't mention the rest of the drama with my family (that she knows nothing about, as far as I know), and then, the end of the letter just sort of cut off, in the middle of something she was saying. It was short, and it was really weird...just like I would expect from her.
And, also like her, it didn't make much sense....it was like a letter she would have sent 2 or more years ago, or something; she was talking about past events like they just happened, and she's about 3 holidays late on her greetings. Plus, she didn't mention the last time we saw each other...which was definitely tense & awkward enough to be worth mentioning...
Which is why I'm hoping that the whole thing was an accident; maybe it was an old letter she had in her drafts folder & sent it by accident. That's the best case scenario I can hope for at this point. That doesn't explain why she was looking at the old draft, if that's what it was, or why she didn't notice she had sent it & write me to tell me what happened. In fact, the absolute best thing I can hope for, is that she didn't even notice she was doing it; she somehow was cleaning out her mailbox & accidentally hit 'send' instead of 'delete', and didn't even notice it. Please, please god, let that be what happened.
Otherwise...well, I don't know what otherwise, but I just know that, as much as I wish her the best, I don't ever, ever, ever, ever want to see or hear from Veronica again...and if something happened & she did try to pop back into my life, I'm not sure how I would take it. I do know that all the progress I've made in the last year or so would likely be undone by the craziness she'd bring with her, and I'll admit that I'm scared to death of having to deal with her again. Yes...it got that ugly at the end.
So, for now, I'm going to try all I can to put it out of my mind & chalk it up to a freak accident. Veronica is a very forward person, in her strange way, and if she wanted to write me, she would just do it, so I'm crossing my fingers that I'm not back on her radar in any way. Please cross your collective fingers with me...I need all the good luck I can get, here...
After writing what I had written last night, I got up this morning, and the first thing I saw was a mail from Veronica in my inbox.
At the first sight of it, I almost lost it; you guys might not have picked up on it yet, but the easiest way to describe it is that I live in sheer abject terror of that woman coming back into my life. Also, it had been several months since I had heard from her, and she usually makes some effort to contact me at least every few months, so I figured it was time. The last time I had seen her, we had run into each other at a concert in the park and had some very tense, uncomfortable words...and I took off before her son saw that I was there so I wouldn't have to see him & add more guilt upon guilt. That had been ugly enough...and she hasn't tried to contact me at all since...even over the holidays, which I totally expected her to do. But, it's been ugly before, and she's always showed back up at some point, so, ever since, I've been sort of on edge every time I check my olf mail account...just waiting for the V-bomb to drop again.
Then today...I get this e-mail....and of course, right away, I expect the worst. However, after reading it, I don't know what to think. I'm actually hoping against hope that it was all a big mistake...
Of course, the first thought that ran through my mind was: she's found it. She's found the project, and....well, something bad's gonna happen. I dunno what, but something. Bad. Thankfully, that didn't turn out to be the case.
She started the letter with 'It was so good to hear from you again...glad you had a good Thanksgiving'. Well, I haven't talked to her since August...and there would be no way for her to know if I had a good Thanksgiving. She didn't mention any other holiday, either, just Turkey Day.
She then started talking about how our breakup had been hard on her & her son, like it had just happened recently...and she asked about my grandfather, but didn't mention the rest of the drama with my family (that she knows nothing about, as far as I know), and then, the end of the letter just sort of cut off, in the middle of something she was saying. It was short, and it was really weird...just like I would expect from her.
And, also like her, it didn't make much sense....it was like a letter she would have sent 2 or more years ago, or something; she was talking about past events like they just happened, and she's about 3 holidays late on her greetings. Plus, she didn't mention the last time we saw each other...which was definitely tense & awkward enough to be worth mentioning...
Which is why I'm hoping that the whole thing was an accident; maybe it was an old letter she had in her drafts folder & sent it by accident. That's the best case scenario I can hope for at this point. That doesn't explain why she was looking at the old draft, if that's what it was, or why she didn't notice she had sent it & write me to tell me what happened. In fact, the absolute best thing I can hope for, is that she didn't even notice she was doing it; she somehow was cleaning out her mailbox & accidentally hit 'send' instead of 'delete', and didn't even notice it. Please, please god, let that be what happened.
Otherwise...well, I don't know what otherwise, but I just know that, as much as I wish her the best, I don't ever, ever, ever, ever want to see or hear from Veronica again...and if something happened & she did try to pop back into my life, I'm not sure how I would take it. I do know that all the progress I've made in the last year or so would likely be undone by the craziness she'd bring with her, and I'll admit that I'm scared to death of having to deal with her again. Yes...it got that ugly at the end.
So, for now, I'm going to try all I can to put it out of my mind & chalk it up to a freak accident. Veronica is a very forward person, in her strange way, and if she wanted to write me, she would just do it, so I'm crossing my fingers that I'm not back on her radar in any way. Please cross your collective fingers with me...I need all the good luck I can get, here...
7 Comments:
You say you live in sheer terror of V coming back into your life again..... She can only come back in if you let her. Who cares if you have to be a hardass. Stop responding to emails and end the guilt trip.
Delete her email. If she emails again ignore it.
If by slim chance she was "cleaning" out her box as you say, I think she would know that she sent it, even if by accident. Just the fact that she was even perusing old emails tells you that she was thinking of you. Don't fool yourself. She probably has a folder with your name in it.
Such a heartbreaker.
:)
I know you're right, guys, but in the past, it hasn't been as easy as just not responding to her...there has been what you could call some minor stalking involved...and I do NOT scare easy. Yes, I would push her away, but it's the dealing with having to do it that would be all kinds of hell to go thru.
And right now, there is someone visiting the site from my hometown, and that's not doing much for my peace of mind...I shouldn't have taken that last Valuim before the holidays...
Oh she wants in alright, of course she does. I don't think you've ever actually alluded to what sort of timeframe we're talking on this whole veronica situation - but its looking like its pushing 10 years. She keeps getting you back into her life with her completely psychotic behaviour, so of course she's going to keep acting that way.
My guess, she was writing you the obligatory "hey what's up" email to test the waters, got upset/distracted/frustrated with her communications and just clicked send.
Sadly for you, she's sniffing around. Even more sadly for you, you seem to feel completely helpless to stop it.
I don't think I can begin to understand why you feel so helpless against her until we hear the next decade of your story, if you choose to continue to share with us.
Its upsetting to hear that a child is involved as well, and I say that in concern for YOUR feelings, above all else. Kids move on, bounce back, deal... adults are surprisingly fragile and my skin is thin when it comes to the involvement of kids. I usually miss ex's kids more than I miss the ex.
Brush the email off as a mistake right now, if she does it again then we had all better break out the emotional-forcefields.
Just do the "nothing to see here, move along" Jedi mind trick or something. Responding to her would be like poking her with a stick, and that is never a good idea. I know you'll wrestle with it and wonder why she emailed, and more to the point, why it was so damned weird... Just don't let it get the better of you. Yikes!
Wise words from Greyson...you know me well. And I did change my e-mail; I just still get the old one forwarded to me...
But singlebloke & Dene', you're right...that ain't what I want to hear :P
I'm trying to not worry about it; I figure if I get through the weekend without hearing from her, then I should be home free. So, I'm workin' on it, Jaded!
Thanks, guys...
I started clapping after reading this post and Tinker Bell came back to life.
sometimes the subconscious works in mysterious ways, especially if V is the stalkerish type. i've known enough people (men and women alike, and i'm sure everyone else recognizes this character trait too) who do the whole "oh, i was in your neighborhood" type thing, or the "oops, did i actually send that to you?" in order to re-connect.
yes, i've done stuff like that by accident too, but it's still freaky when the shoe is on the other foot. in fact, one ex's father accidentally called me a year after his son and i had broken up. accident or not, it still freaked me out. but i'm also more wary, since i've been stalked before too (nothing bad, just feels violating).
so i think it definitely depends on context, and not to be conspiratorial, i would say, exbf, be on your guard, and as liz said, you can always delete.
we got your back!
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