Thursday, January 26, 2006

Turn & face the strange...

I got a new car today. Well, it's not exactly new, and in some ways, it's barely a car, but still. Turns out that Alan's brother-in-law just got a nice, new company car, so he decided to give his old Infinity to Alan's brother, who, in turn knew that I had been having trouble with my truck for months, and gave me his old car. So, I have comfortable transportation again for the first time in many moons.

For the last 12 years (actually, since one week before Kara & I got back together that last summer), I've been driving my same old trusty Isuzu; it's an '89 model (sorta like me), and since you all know how I get really attached to things, I've been holding on to the thing for dear life until she's all but fallen apart; the convertible top has a hole in it the size of Kansas, the heat doesn't work, the radio does not exist, since I gave up after someone cutting through the top 3 times to get to it, the left blinker on the front fender blinks at about 1000 rpm's, there's a dent in the hood from Kara jumping on top of it to get down from my balcony (I wonder if looking at that every day for the last 12 years has had anything to do with anything...), the driver's side door doesn't open from the outside, and sometimes the headlights don't work when it rains. But goddamn, I love that truck...she's stuck with me over the years.

I've had every opportunity in the world to get rid of it before & get something newer...but I've just never been able to part with it. I even got a little cheap Honda a few years back to drive around on cold & rainy days, but it blew up after about a year. My friends are sick to death of looking at the damn thing, and since we've driven across the country in it several times, the damn thing has inconvenienced them almost as much as it has me over the years, so finally Alan saw a way to get me out of it; like I said before, I'm not sure what I'd do without my friends.

But I'm not sure what I'll do without my truck, either...I'm really gonna miss her. But today, as we were driving around, getting the paperwork done, I started to wonder if this isn't, in some small way, just the kind of change I need to start making more of in my life.

Like, for example, I've got this pair of sunglasses that I bought about 4 years ago, right about the time Roxanne & I broke up. I was in a store buying some new shoes to wear on my upcoming trip to Europe, and I saw this pair of ruby-red shades that just called out to me....I figured they just might help rose-tint my world, and right then, I sure needed it. I've worn those things constantly for almost 5 years now; they've been all over the country & around the world with me a dozen times over. I once dove into a freezing lake to retrieve them from the bottom. I stopped an entire convoy of trucks shipping out from a warehouse in the south of France because I knew I had mistakenly left them in a cabinet loaded inside one of the trucks...I had never had people cursing at me in 4 different languages before. I've basically only seen the world through these glasses for as long as I can remember now.

And when I first bought them, they really did rose-tint my world; they have some kinda crazy filter on them that makes the whole world more vibrant; Elaine says everything looks like a nuclear holocaust through them. But, as I was driving around thinking about it today, I started to wonder if I couldn't be looking at things differently....literally. I mean, I still love 'em, and they're still way-cool, and they still kinda make me feel like Cyclops from X-Men, but maybe it's time for a change. I used to have these ultra-cool yellow ones, that J.C. ended up with....everything looked like a magic-hour sunset through those things....maybe that's what I need. And I know these are ridiculous little things, but these are the kind of thoughts that go through my mind...

I get used to things. That's the understatement of the day, and you probably knew that already, but I do. I'm not a fan of change, and the older I get, the more I find myself trying to avoid it in all it's forms. I guess I've always been that way, to some extent. I saw The 40-Year-Old-Virgin recently, and while I loved the movie, when I was sitting there watching it with my friends, I got a little indignant at what I saw to be one of the underlying messages of the film.

For those of you who haven't seen it, without giving anything away, the main character is a 40-year-old...well, virgin, who lives in an apartment filled with action figures, comic books & posters from the band Asia. He eventually meets a girl who likes him, supposedly for who he is, but who also proceeds to tell him that he needs to grow up, sell his toys, take down his posters, and be a man...which he proceeds to do, after which, they live happily ever after...or at least long enough for him to have sex.

Now, first of all, Asia was comprised of former members of Yes, King Crimson, and Emerson, Lake & Palmer, and there's only so much you can make fun of that without making yourself look stupid. Secondly, I, too, live in an apartment filled with much of the same things...if not on such meticulous display...and am most certainly not a virgin, and have never considered for one second that I might should take my framed Spider-Man posters down or hide my action figures because some girl was coming over. In fact, I've always used them, somewhat consciously, as a sort of test, if you will; I figure if the girl, whoever she is, can walk in my house & see past all that stuff, then everything else should be smooth sailing. If she can't, well...her loss. I like my stuff.

So, when, in the movie, the virgin is told that his only path to finding love & happiness is to basically give up everything he's loved since childhood, I got a little miffed, and called bullshit. Angela was over watching the movie with us, 'cus we were at Alan & Bess' house, and when she agreed with the girl in the movie, I calmly reminded her that, in fact, she herself had countless amounts of sex with me, in many rooms in my house, in full view of more than a few action figures, and had never complained about it before. So there.

But, you know, I watched the movie again, and while I still don't agree with what I think it's trying to say, the main point is that the guy was stuck in a rut in his life, and he didn't even know it...and that, change, every once in a while, is good. I ain't throwing away my Asia poster, but I have to admit, at the heart of it, they might have a point. So, I'll start with the new car....and maybe I'll go shopping for sunglasses...and then maybe, I'll actually find the energy to try and change something really important....


Blogger Maria h√łnen recalled...

Wauw - first post! Cool....
Change is good - especially if you are ready for it, which it sounds like you are. So go for it.

I have been following this blog for ages now and just want to thank you for making me laugh and almost cry ever so often. This blog is my Kit Kat break of the day ;o) Thank you!

Thursday, January 26, 2006 7:42:00 AM  
Blogger D recalled...

That's an interesting view to put on that movie, as when I saw it first I would have tended to agree with your original viewpoint. Although I think any woman would agree that there was a certain amount of "maturing" the Virgin had to go through first, in the end he had to stay true to himself. I guess it's just all about finding that balance.

Moving forward without leaving yourself behind?

Thursday, January 26, 2006 8:08:00 AM  
Blogger PAINKEY recalled...

Change, we all do it at one point or another. The best change is when the outcome makes u a better person or even a happier person. Fear stops many from change or even considering it. Thats cool to, its not a must but if you really think about it and you refuse bc your stubborn, then you know you need it, but if you think about it and your content with things then you dont. I dunno, thats just me speaking my mind, I am still half asleep here at work so what do I know.LOL
anyhow, I saw the movie too, I didnt laugh as much as I was told I would but oh, well. funny part was "show me your INSTINCTS" LOL

I also think that it was his idea to sell the toys to make a business for himself, she even said no, bc he loved them, and he insisted(he knew it was time) so, she agreed to help him. He blamed her at the end bc he was afraid for her to find out he was still a virgin. It was his weenie friends that told him to hide all his stuff. at least I think thats what happened, again, still half asleep.

Good Luck with the sunglass hunt!
I use to have shades in every color;)

Thursday, January 26, 2006 10:22:00 AM  
Blogger Lynn-e recalled...

Great blog - this is just further proof for you that not only are you ready to move on, but you are actually doing it. Congrats to you.

Thursday, January 26, 2006 12:22:00 PM  
Blogger BigPoppa recalled...

Hey! I liked your blog, it's alot like mine. I'm a little new to the dating scene and haven't catagoriezed all my old gf's yet though. I liked the color highlighting you did to distinguish each ex.....makes it easy to follow.

my blog is:

Feel free to check it out and let me know if you have any advice :)

Thursday, January 26, 2006 12:39:00 PM  
Blogger Mint Tulip recalled...

Ahh, changes...When my ex and I broke up I got about 8 inches cut off my hair and dyed it a bright-ish reddish purple. It felt good to change, and he hated it, so it was win-win. On the other hand, I still have my She-Ra collection, and damn anyone who tries to take it!

Thursday, January 26, 2006 5:10:00 PM  
Blogger ohmyluv recalled...

"Small step for a man, a big leap for mankind." ;-)

Thursday, January 26, 2006 8:57:00 PM  
Blogger Chris recalled...

I'm a big fan of the hollywood movies myself and no movie snob and I really love this movie, but if your looking for deep meaning in 40 year old Virgin..... so much so that you actually watched it again to find the 'hidden depth'... then the change you should probably be making is the type of movie you watch!

P.S. Great blog, I've been following it for months

Friday, January 27, 2006 10:44:00 AM  
Blogger boneycdr2 recalled...

What IS IT about women that when they find a guy they like and start going out with him that they then start going about trying to change him - his hair, his clothes, his friends and his job. If he drinks coffee on a regular basis, the chances are he'll be drinking mint tea before long. I just don't get it. Why don't women find the man they want rather than taking a short cut?

Friday, January 27, 2006 10:27:00 PM  
Blogger Karen recalled...

Afraid of change, huh? Well, wouldn't you say that writing this blog, for complete strangers to read, is a big change? Delving into your deepest and darkest emotional corners is a big change, too. Of course, I don't know you, but it seems like doing this blog is one of the biggest changes of your life......and inevitably, other changes are going to occur from you getting out that which has plagued you for so long. Geez a lou, don't I sound like an uppity bitch! LOL

Seriously though, you're changing constantly, and we your readers, can see it in your writing. :) Good job, and good for you, exbf!


Saturday, January 28, 2006 11:36:00 PM  

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