Monday, January 30, 2006

Run to the hills...

Well, that didn't last long...

Actually, I don't mean that...I'm ok. I'm just a little bummed out today 'cus I found out my friend Alan is going to be moving out of town in a few weeks. His wife Bess has been pushing him to move a couple of hours away, basically just so she can be close to her equally-crazy, co-dependent mother. He's been resisting it for a while, now, but he got a job offer there that, for whatever reason, he feels would be a good opportunity, so he's finally relented.

Which is, as everyone who knows them says, the worst possible decision either one of them could ever make. First of all, Bess comes from a rich, ultra-white-bread family of doctors, and she is completely obsessed with money, at the expense of either of their happiness. So, of course, to hell with where he might want to live, she's gotta go where the money is....and, conveniently enough, where her mother is. She's been very unhappy since they've moved back to town, but the truth is, Bess is unhappy anywhere she goes, and she tends to make other people that way, too, because of it. Not to mention the fact that her mom is one of the most vain, pretentious women that I've ever met, and her being around is not going to contribute to a warm, happy environment, for Alan or their kid.

We tried to explain to her the other day that grown, married adults really shouldn't base their lives around how close they can be to their parents...especially if said parents are still alive, healthy, live just 2 hours away, and happen to own a private plane that can get them here within a half hour, anytime they want to come visit! But whaddya gonna do?

Alan is going along with it basically just to appease her, just like everything else he's done since they've been married. He's sacrificed his own happiness more times than I can count, just to try and ease her neurosis or give her what she wants, but this is, in my opinion, the biggest mistake he's made yet. First of all, since she's pregnant & still working, he's going to have to move up there without her for six months (!) and live alone with her parents while he works his new job, and she's going to have to stay here, living with his parents, until her due date in July, when she's going to leave her job. Now, Bess is the most co-dependent person I've ever met, so how in the world she thinks she's going to survive without him here is beyond me, much less how the hell he's gonna survive living with her parents.

And god help us all when the kid gets here, 'cus now, they're basically going to be under her mom's thumb the whole time, and she's going to end up being that Great Queen Grandma type, who completely controls the kid's upbringing. I asked Bess yesterday: "So, basically, you want to run off to the mountains & raise your child in total isolation from the real world, surrounded by all the rich, bluehaired, old-plantation-money white-bread people?", to which she really didn't have an answer...but that's what she's gonna be doing.

And yeah, it's their life & they're gonna do what they're gonna do, but Alan's only been back in town for not even a year now, after spending the last few years living 8 hours away, just because that's where Bess wanted to live at the time. And so yeah...I'm a little bummed that my best friend is leaving again just when we were starting to settle into our old routine (albeit much to his wife's dismay; another reason she wants them to move is so he'll spend less time with his friends...that makes sense, doesn't it?). But, its not that far, and maybe at least the job will be a good opportunity for him....'cus I don't think the rest of it will. I dunno....much as I complain about her, I know he loves her, and they're my friends, so I want 'em to be happy. I just don't think they're gonna be until she gets some matter where they live.

As for me, though, I'm still in a good mood, aside from all this. We leave tomorrow night for Savannah, and I'm still way behind on the stuff I need to do first, but I'll work it out somehow. I plan to have net access while I'm down there, so I'll keep in touch....maybe I'll come back with a good story or two. If I get to see the beach while I'm there, even for 5 minutes in 40 degree weather, I'll be a happy man...


Blogger Karen recalled...

Amazing what happens when ya gets hitched, huh? I hope Bess learns the art of compromise soon, or she'll end up without Alan at all.

Say hi to the beach for me! I'm from So. Cal originally, and that's something I still miss, after 16 years.....:( Wishing you a great trip!!


Monday, January 30, 2006 6:55:00 PM  
Blogger Luke recalled...

Enjoy Savannah. I'm about an hour from there and you should be in for a mild couple of days (depending on how long you're here.)

Have a safe trip and keep us updated.

Monday, January 30, 2006 7:19:00 PM  
Blogger Your Doctor's Nurse recalled...

Sometimes you go along in a relationship all unhappy and miserable because you can't find your way out. Or because you're not sure anyone would understand your reasons for wanting to walk away from something that everyone else considers a "good thing". Or because you think that that is the best it's going to get. Or all three plus a million more. All I'm saying is that there might be more going on inside his head that he's not willing to let out and so he stays even though he knows it would be better to go.

That was like lookin' in a mirror.

Monday, January 30, 2006 8:46:00 PM  
Blogger Jamy recalled...

Seeing the ocean should be good. It's a shame Alan is leaving. It's amazing what people will put up with--and the kids just make it harder to leave or make a change. I hope they are ok.

Monday, January 30, 2006 9:45:00 PM  
Blogger chicaleecious recalled...

I'm way behind on my comments -- but, congrats on the new car, have fun in Savannah and have a great trip and good luck with the film. I hope the mood remains good :). Sorry to hear about Alan moving though and I hope your momma is doing well.

Monday, January 30, 2006 10:36:00 PM  
Blogger Charlotte recalled...

boo about alan, that's tough man. but i'm glad that you are breaking through the depressiony much and feeling ok!

Monday, January 30, 2006 11:26:00 PM  
Blogger Liz recalled...

"If she weren't rich and status orientated he'd be off. He admires her pathetically. "

That is a mighty broad assumption. Sometimes people CAN love someone who is so wrong for them. Happens all the time.

"Tell me, he never had a public school education? Those types are annoying to the females of the species, so I'm glad you feel the same!..."

Huh??? Who cares about Allan's education. As a female, someone who went to private school doesn't annoy me NOR does someone who went to public school. I choose not to be a judgemental bitch like that. Might want to try that sometime:)

"If the tw*t wants to feel inferior, let him. Let him know what a cowardly prat he really is, though."

Ex, do you find your friend to be an inferior cowardly twat? :)

Tuesday, January 31, 2006 8:17:00 AM  
Blogger Trix recalled...

It's amazing to me just how insightful you are in to other people's relationships, given all the problems you've had in the past with your own. Turning a corner, are we?

Tuesday, January 31, 2006 9:15:00 AM  
Blogger fjl recalled...

I think you've offended a trixie lady , my friend!
Still let her 'rant and rave.' :-)

Tuesday, January 31, 2006 11:13:00 AM  
Blogger fjl recalled...

By the way I love the 'rant and rave' idea, but I daren't make use of it!
I'm still thinking of exactly what to put. Come to my party maybe.

Tuesday, January 31, 2006 11:21:00 AM  
Blogger Ex-Addict recalled...

I hope you make it to the beach!

Tuesday, January 31, 2006 12:19:00 PM  
Blogger ExBF recalled...

Um, friend isn't a 'cowardly little twat'...he just loves his wife to a fault. He's also a graduate of one of the best law schools in the country, so I don't think his education has a lot to do with it

You go, Liz! ;)

Tuesday, January 31, 2006 12:38:00 PM  
Blogger fjl recalled...

So home come his wife kicks ass?
Ah, the legal profession....

Tuesday, January 31, 2006 4:27:00 PM  
Blogger fjl recalled...

how come...* always read before posting !

Tuesday, January 31, 2006 5:56:00 PM  
Blogger fjl recalled...

ps...... it's just by britannique sense of humour... :0) don't worry. I love you blog x.

Wednesday, February 01, 2006 3:31:00 AM  
Blogger fjl recalled...


... I have to sort this machine! x

Wednesday, February 01, 2006 3:31:00 AM  

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