Meanwhile, back in 1993...
Well, I can't sleep, and I have to be up in a little while anyway, so I might as well try this again. Let's see; what happened...
So I was dating Maria. There was one thing about Maria especially that made her stand out from the girls I had dated previously: she was sane. Those were actually my mom's words; the first time I took her over to meet my family was on Christmas of that year, and after about 15 minutes, my mom, used to the turmoil of Kara by this point, grabbed me, pulled me to the side, and excitedly whispered in my ear "X, I like her; she's sane! You better hang on to her!". Easier said than done, mom...
I don't remember much about the holidays that year; I know that she spent Thanksgiving at her family's house, but she did elect to come & spend Christmas with me, and I thought that was a big deal...maybe it actually was. Either way, we did have a really nice Christmas; I can't remember for the life of me what she bought me (can I? Maybe it'll come to me...), but I, being the worst shopper in the world, in case you forgot, tried until the last minute & still couldn't find anything, so I fell back on my old standby & bought her a leather jacket...'cus what girl doesn't look hot in a leather jacket? I should really get some kinda discount at that leather shop by now.
I think it had been sometime right after Thanksgiving, though, when she had come down for a weekend, that we said the three words. I remember she had brought some candles over & was taking a hot bath when she called me into the room, told me to lean down & give her a kiss, and pulled me into the tub. Now, I lived in a small apartment, and as some of you might know, sex in a regular tub doesn't exactly live up to the hype, so we eventually ended up on the floor, soaking the carpet & almost electrocuting ourselves on the heater, but barely even noticing. Afterwards, I remember she was on top of me, and I looked up at her and saw the light catch her face just so, and I opened my mouth to say it, but I hesitated for a second, and she said it before I had a chance to. I told her I loved her, too, and pulled her down & kissed her.
Afterwards, we talked about it & she said she had been wanting to say it for a while, and she had thought she had seen me almost say it once or twice (which was true), so she figured she'd just go ahead & take the plunge first. I can't remember what I said to her, but I remember how I felt; I was falling in love with her; she was way too sweet not too, and after Kara, to have someone who actually seemed to give a damn about my feelings was like a revelation in itself. I remember thinking that this has to be something close to what it's supposed to be like; with Andi I was a kid, with Gloria I never felt it, even if I told her I did, with Roxanne, she never felt it back, and with Kara, she never showed it no matter what she felt, so really this was the first time I had ever had feelings for somebody where there wasn't something....wrong. I thought that this was how people were supposed to fall in love, and that I might finally see what this whole thing is about...
So, needless to say, all through the holidays, I was a happy camper. Everything was going great for the first time in my life; I had a steady job that I liked, I had my own place, I had all my idiot friends around & a girl that loved me and actually got along with my friends as well. Kara & I never hung out with people as a couple because she liked to hide our relationship from the world so as not to limit her options, and Gloria was never great at getting along with folks, so she was also the first girlfriend I had ever had that I could actually hang out with & have a good time & bring along with my friends...and just be normal, which I know I keep emphasizing, but which really was a revelation in those days.
I was still a little too cautious to look too far ahead, but I really thought for a while that maybe she just might be the one. In fact, she asked me to marry her once. Don't freak out, it's not quite like it sounds...but it was still pretty wacky. I remember we were talking once about the future, and she mentioned how she never wanted to have kids, and I told her that, at that point, I wasn't really sure if I did either. She started thinking and then she said we should just go get a quickie marriage done, so she could get herself sterilized & we could have sex & we wouldn't have to worry about birth control (she said it a lot sexier than that, but that's beside the point).
Now, I didn't think too much about it at the time, but thinking back on it now, my mind begs the question of why we needed to get married just so she could have her tubes tied? I'm sure I asked her, and I don't remember what she said, but I remember it was something about doctors being wary about giving that operation to women as young as she was without them already being married...which I guess sort of makes sense, but I don't really know. Nowadays, I probably would have had a million more skeptical questions about it, but I remember back then I just thought it was a crazy idea & shot it down. She prodded at me for a little while & said that we could have it annulled right after, but I still thought it was crazy...and honestly, I don't know how serious she was. She wasn't the impulsive, crazy type at all, and even I was a little taken aback by it, but I think she was really up for it, even if it was only for the reasons she said, wacky as they might have been....I don't think she was trying to trick me into marrying her or anything. Weird, I had almost forgotten all about that...
I also remember New Years Eve that year, as well. She was back at her family's house, so I had the town to myself (and so this really has nothing to do with anything, but I'm gonna talk about it anyway, 'cus I remember it), and for some reason Alan's girlfriend, Mindy, wasn't around either, so we were just hanging out smoking on new years, when my neighbor Bryan knocked on the door. Bryan was a nice guy, but he was one of those really annoying Deadhead hippies, who had all kinds of bullshit semi-knowledge in his acid-riddled head that he'd drone on for hours about nothing, so I generally avoided him, but this time he showed up & said he has a late Christmas present for us. It was a bag of mushrooms, and he basically just dropped them off & left before I had a chance to say anything.
Now, aside from things prescribed to me (and others), I've only ever done 3 real drugs in my life; I had smoked pot since I was 17, I did a lot of acid between 17 & 19, when I swore off it, and I'd eaten mushroom maybe a dozen times during that same period. I've never done cocaine or ecstasy or anything else too wacky, and honestly, I can't for the life of me imagine why anyone would want to ever do any other drug if you have pot around; acid & shrooms were always way too much drug for me, and I never liked 'em. That night, tho, I was still young, it had been a couple of years already, and we were kinda bored...so we ate 'em. Then, about 30 minutes after they had kicked in, I immediately remembered why I had quit. It was like, as soon as I felt it coming on, I went "Oooh, yeah! I remember this.....this is....it's....this sucks!". But, it was too late; we just had to ride it out. I remember that being one of the longest nights of my life, and probably Alan's too. We stayed up 'til the sun came up, listening to Yes & trying to mellow out, and worrying if Maria was gonna call & I would have to deal with her on hallucinogens. And then, I wound up getting all emotional at some point & questioning all the good things that seemed to be happening to me & wondering what the meaning of it all was, and that got Alan all emotional about the girl he had broken up with recently, and then we both got into a fight over whether Van Hagar was better than Van Halen, and it was just probably a good thing nobody else was around. I haven't eaten mushrooms since...
But, all that aside, the holidays were very nice that year, and I honestly assumed that Maria & I might share many more together. Then, a few weeks later, the storm happened...literally. Don't really mean to leave this one a cliffhanger, but I gotta go...
So I was dating Maria. There was one thing about Maria especially that made her stand out from the girls I had dated previously: she was sane. Those were actually my mom's words; the first time I took her over to meet my family was on Christmas of that year, and after about 15 minutes, my mom, used to the turmoil of Kara by this point, grabbed me, pulled me to the side, and excitedly whispered in my ear "X, I like her; she's sane! You better hang on to her!". Easier said than done, mom...
I don't remember much about the holidays that year; I know that she spent Thanksgiving at her family's house, but she did elect to come & spend Christmas with me, and I thought that was a big deal...maybe it actually was. Either way, we did have a really nice Christmas; I can't remember for the life of me what she bought me (can I? Maybe it'll come to me...), but I, being the worst shopper in the world, in case you forgot, tried until the last minute & still couldn't find anything, so I fell back on my old standby & bought her a leather jacket...'cus what girl doesn't look hot in a leather jacket? I should really get some kinda discount at that leather shop by now.
I think it had been sometime right after Thanksgiving, though, when she had come down for a weekend, that we said the three words. I remember she had brought some candles over & was taking a hot bath when she called me into the room, told me to lean down & give her a kiss, and pulled me into the tub. Now, I lived in a small apartment, and as some of you might know, sex in a regular tub doesn't exactly live up to the hype, so we eventually ended up on the floor, soaking the carpet & almost electrocuting ourselves on the heater, but barely even noticing. Afterwards, I remember she was on top of me, and I looked up at her and saw the light catch her face just so, and I opened my mouth to say it, but I hesitated for a second, and she said it before I had a chance to. I told her I loved her, too, and pulled her down & kissed her.
Afterwards, we talked about it & she said she had been wanting to say it for a while, and she had thought she had seen me almost say it once or twice (which was true), so she figured she'd just go ahead & take the plunge first. I can't remember what I said to her, but I remember how I felt; I was falling in love with her; she was way too sweet not too, and after Kara, to have someone who actually seemed to give a damn about my feelings was like a revelation in itself. I remember thinking that this has to be something close to what it's supposed to be like; with Andi I was a kid, with Gloria I never felt it, even if I told her I did, with Roxanne, she never felt it back, and with Kara, she never showed it no matter what she felt, so really this was the first time I had ever had feelings for somebody where there wasn't something....wrong. I thought that this was how people were supposed to fall in love, and that I might finally see what this whole thing is about...
So, needless to say, all through the holidays, I was a happy camper. Everything was going great for the first time in my life; I had a steady job that I liked, I had my own place, I had all my idiot friends around & a girl that loved me and actually got along with my friends as well. Kara & I never hung out with people as a couple because she liked to hide our relationship from the world so as not to limit her options, and Gloria was never great at getting along with folks, so she was also the first girlfriend I had ever had that I could actually hang out with & have a good time & bring along with my friends...and just be normal, which I know I keep emphasizing, but which really was a revelation in those days.
I was still a little too cautious to look too far ahead, but I really thought for a while that maybe she just might be the one. In fact, she asked me to marry her once. Don't freak out, it's not quite like it sounds...but it was still pretty wacky. I remember we were talking once about the future, and she mentioned how she never wanted to have kids, and I told her that, at that point, I wasn't really sure if I did either. She started thinking and then she said we should just go get a quickie marriage done, so she could get herself sterilized & we could have sex & we wouldn't have to worry about birth control (she said it a lot sexier than that, but that's beside the point).
Now, I didn't think too much about it at the time, but thinking back on it now, my mind begs the question of why we needed to get married just so she could have her tubes tied? I'm sure I asked her, and I don't remember what she said, but I remember it was something about doctors being wary about giving that operation to women as young as she was without them already being married...which I guess sort of makes sense, but I don't really know. Nowadays, I probably would have had a million more skeptical questions about it, but I remember back then I just thought it was a crazy idea & shot it down. She prodded at me for a little while & said that we could have it annulled right after, but I still thought it was crazy...and honestly, I don't know how serious she was. She wasn't the impulsive, crazy type at all, and even I was a little taken aback by it, but I think she was really up for it, even if it was only for the reasons she said, wacky as they might have been....I don't think she was trying to trick me into marrying her or anything. Weird, I had almost forgotten all about that...
I also remember New Years Eve that year, as well. She was back at her family's house, so I had the town to myself (and so this really has nothing to do with anything, but I'm gonna talk about it anyway, 'cus I remember it), and for some reason Alan's girlfriend, Mindy, wasn't around either, so we were just hanging out smoking on new years, when my neighbor Bryan knocked on the door. Bryan was a nice guy, but he was one of those really annoying Deadhead hippies, who had all kinds of bullshit semi-knowledge in his acid-riddled head that he'd drone on for hours about nothing, so I generally avoided him, but this time he showed up & said he has a late Christmas present for us. It was a bag of mushrooms, and he basically just dropped them off & left before I had a chance to say anything.
Now, aside from things prescribed to me (and others), I've only ever done 3 real drugs in my life; I had smoked pot since I was 17, I did a lot of acid between 17 & 19, when I swore off it, and I'd eaten mushroom maybe a dozen times during that same period. I've never done cocaine or ecstasy or anything else too wacky, and honestly, I can't for the life of me imagine why anyone would want to ever do any other drug if you have pot around; acid & shrooms were always way too much drug for me, and I never liked 'em. That night, tho, I was still young, it had been a couple of years already, and we were kinda bored...so we ate 'em. Then, about 30 minutes after they had kicked in, I immediately remembered why I had quit. It was like, as soon as I felt it coming on, I went "Oooh, yeah! I remember this.....this is....it's....this sucks!". But, it was too late; we just had to ride it out. I remember that being one of the longest nights of my life, and probably Alan's too. We stayed up 'til the sun came up, listening to Yes & trying to mellow out, and worrying if Maria was gonna call & I would have to deal with her on hallucinogens. And then, I wound up getting all emotional at some point & questioning all the good things that seemed to be happening to me & wondering what the meaning of it all was, and that got Alan all emotional about the girl he had broken up with recently, and then we both got into a fight over whether Van Hagar was better than Van Halen, and it was just probably a good thing nobody else was around. I haven't eaten mushrooms since...
But, all that aside, the holidays were very nice that year, and I honestly assumed that Maria & I might share many more together. Then, a few weeks later, the storm happened...literally. Don't really mean to leave this one a cliffhanger, but I gotta go...
7 Comments:
You say she was normal. That's a cop-out. I saw a picture of a man who was caught cheating by his wife and she put an axe deeply into his forehead. The news report said that miraculously he survived and is expected to lead a normal life. Explain normal to me.
I think that's what freaks me out about my current relationship - it's actually normal for the first itme in my life. wierd. Oh, and I agree with Michelle, you know damn well you want to leave us with cliffhangers...it keeps us coming back
Stumbled upon your blog today and now I think I'm addicted. And since you left it with a cliff hanger, I have no choice but to come back!
I love the cliff hangers, they keep me wanting more. I think if you took ecstasy you would have even more love stories to tell us so just as well you stay away from it......now get back to writing X
'course, pro-D; I'll check it out ;)
you meant to do that....;)
lol i remember how i ate shrooms a few years after i had completely stopped. right when it kicked in i remember saying "this is exactly why i said never again" ps that was one of the worst nights of my life.
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