Thursday, August 17, 2006

Seperate Ways (Worlds Apart)

Well, since I'm leaving for the shoot today, I had planned on just making a quick 'goodbye, wish me luck' post....and then I woke up this morning, went to my 8:00 meeting at a local coffee shop....and found myself standing in line behind Roxanne & the girl/boyfriend. Ya, I know; that's what I said, too...

I mean, even for me, those are crazy 1-in-a-million odds. I'm leaving town in like 8 hours, and it's as if fate itself woke up drunk this morning & said "Oh yeah, here...ya forgot THIS!". First time I had spoken to her in 3 months...and it was short & awkward as always, with the feel of the boy/girlfriend's eyes boring through the back of my skull the whole time. We talked about her mom, whom I heard had been ill recently, and then I told her that I was leaving today to go do the movie. She smiled politely & just said 'that's great; good luck'. Then I went to my table (where the guys I was meeting with had already been ogling her all morning before I got there), and she went to hers. She didn't say goodbye to me when she left a little while later.

Even as awkward & quiet as our interactions always are nowadays, she seemed even more reserved than usual this time, and I can't help but think it has something to do with the rift between her brother & I. Who knows.

And she looked just...gorgeous. At eight-o-fucking-clock in the morning, she could have stopped traffic a mile away. I'm honestly not sure I've ever seen her look so good, and that's saying something.

So, here I stand, having spent the past year trying to work past all this stuff, about to embark upon the biggest adventure of my life, proud of myself & excited for the first time ingod knows how long, looking forward to the future & enjoying the present....and then, out of the blue, there she is.

And I don't care.

Stop clapping; it's not what you think...I mean, I care. I still love her & I always will; but my life doesn't revolve around that fact anymore. For once, I'm out here doing something for me, and not her. I have a life to live, and she apparently has hers; I saw a glimpse of it this morning. And yes, I'm here writing about it now & thinking about it here now...but this is where I'm going to leave it, here on the page. it's not coming with me this time. I got stuff to do. And I don't even have any more time to waste writing about it.

See you guys in a month, and wish me luck. I gotta hit the road...

21 Comments:

Blogger Karen recalled...

Good luck sweet cheeks! Knock 'em dead! And a big hug for the revelation about Roxanne. :):)

Thursday, August 17, 2006 5:08:00 PM  
Blogger Chika recalled...

Dude, you are so friggin' awesome.

Thursday, August 17, 2006 8:26:00 PM  
Blogger LB recalled...

I've been obsessively lurking around your blog for the last month or so, catching up on your history.

What I can say is: Good for you. When you can move past a potentially devastating chance meeting like that and go on your merry way - well, then you've really gotten somewhere.

Good luck!

Thursday, August 17, 2006 8:45:00 PM  
Blogger chicaleecious recalled...

WOW, if that's not a sign of closures, then I don't know what is. It sounds like a page right out of a movie...

Well, either way, I hope everything goes well with your project -- and well, your life in general. I hope we still hear from you though, every now and then, even if you decide never to write about all that again.

I am so proud of and excited for you. Best of luck!!!!

Friday, August 18, 2006 1:49:00 AM  
Blogger Beth recalled...

Good Luck!!!

I'm sure it'll all go amazingly well!

Friday, August 18, 2006 2:28:00 AM  
Blogger hodgeshousewife recalled...

Congratulations and good luck on the film!

Friday, August 18, 2006 7:10:00 AM  
Blogger Jaded&Opinionated recalled...

That is some seriously great news.

Break a leg!

Friday, August 18, 2006 9:46:00 AM  
Blogger Manda recalled...

good luck you! i don't know exactly where you're going (to work on your film, i know), but wherever it is, do your best, and it will come back to you one hundred fold, i'm sure of it. because you're right, for the first time, you're really trying to do something for yourself, and that means you're going to enjoy the benefits.

take a deep breath now.... it's great to just breathe sometimes and get all that old weight from the past off your chest, isn't it?

talk to ya later! :-)

Saturday, August 19, 2006 12:40:00 AM  
Blogger Priscilla recalled...

Good luck!

Saturday, August 19, 2006 5:17:00 PM  
Blogger EsmeeAirlia recalled...

Good job for getting over that chance encounter with Roxanne. A few months ago, it would have brought back a rush of new memories, worries, and posts pertaining to Roxanne and your past relationship.
They say an idle mind is the devil's workshop and you evidently were far too idle for far too long. As much as we humans don't like to believe it, a lot of what happens over the course of our lives depends on us and our decisions alone. Therefore, your pining over Kara, Roxanna, etc. were just products of your idleness/unwillingness to move on. Congratulations on accepting your feelings for Roxanne, but also for choosing to productively live your life. All the best on your movie.

Wednesday, August 23, 2006 12:37:00 AM  
Blogger PAINKEY recalled...

esmee, said a freakin mouth full.
so, aside from that, big hugs for ya...you make us all proud!

best of luck to ya ;)

Thursday, August 24, 2006 9:45:00 AM  
Blogger Grins recalled...

May I clap now?

Thursday, August 24, 2006 4:48:00 PM  
Blogger Before Sunrise recalled...

X,

Read your whole blog these last few days... Don't know when you'll be back, but I just had to say - you have a great ending to a movie right here, going off to live YOUR life and being open to endless possibilities!!!

See you when you get back and good luck!!!

Monday, August 28, 2006 1:20:00 AM  
Blogger HotDudi recalled...

Have missed you while you've been gone...looking forward to hearing all about your adventures when you come back...

Good to hear you're gonna live your life from now on...you have so much to accomplish...wishing you the best of luck :-)

& WooHoo!!! *cheering & clapping* ;-)

Monday, September 04, 2006 7:52:00 AM  
Blogger Brooklyn recalled...

Call me when you can please!

Thursday, September 07, 2006 12:07:00 PM  
Blogger Jill recalled...

So bummed that this is my first time on your blog and now I have to wait 3 weeks until you get back to hear more. Anyway, best of luck on the movie! Kick some ass! :)

Sunday, September 17, 2006 11:38:00 PM  
Blogger Brooklyn recalled...

X - CALL - NEED TO TALK -

B

Friday, September 22, 2006 1:42:00 PM  
Blogger PAINKEY recalled...

hey pal, just checkin in with ya.
hope all is going well. Just wanted to drop in and say hi even tho your gone....miss ya pal.

peac
e

Wednesday, October 11, 2006 3:06:00 PM  
Blogger Jaded&Opinionated recalled...

Ok, so, it's been TWO months. How'd everything go?!

Sunday, October 15, 2006 9:16:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous recalled...

Soar the adventure...screw the past. Go where you need to...you will find you're own peace in doing what you need to on your own.

Yes, fragments of past times will enter into present. But ignore. You have learned from the past to make you who you are today.

Cheers mate!
NFC

Saturday, November 25, 2006 9:59:00 PM  
Blogger Lisa Delgado recalled...

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Thursday, January 17, 2008 9:56:00 PM  

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