Wednesday, August 2, 2006

What a Long, Strange, Trip it's Been...

Hi. Miss me? Don't answer that....

Anyway, the answer is no; I haven't left the country, or been in prison, or died, or found a girlfriend, or anything exciting like that. Yes, I did say a while back that I was getting a little weary of dwelling on the past all the time, and I guess I still am, but that's not really what's been keeping me away, either. No....the real answer is that I've been trying to be...brace yourselves...responsible.

Over the last month or so, pre-production on the movie I'm directing has shifted into high gear (or if there is a gear higher than high, then it's shifted into that one). I've been working on it literally around-the-clock, mostly out of town, or out of the house at the very least, and I've had precious little time to think, much less blog. I've even had to relinquish my actual paying writing gigs; I simply haven't had the time to get them done. And, although I've truly missed hearing from all of you on all the various misadventures that have been my life, I knew that the amount of time that I used to afford this blog (which was considerable for one as lazy as me) was simply better spent concentrating on what is undoubtebly the biggest opportunity I've ever had in my life.

I still have a hard time believing that this thing is actually happening; I've really only just wrapped my head around that fact in the last several weeks. But it is happening...in a big way...and it's all up me now to make it happen right. Well, not all up to me; there are other people involved (thank god), but I have more responsibility on my shoulders now than I've ever had...people literally have their entire fortunes riding on me right now, and it's getting pretty heavy. In fact, as I sit here pouring all this out, I find myself surprised that I haven't been blogging about it; this is pretty therapudic...I guess I've just forgotten how much. We start shooting in just 4 short weeks, and the pressure is really starting to become overwhelming. I just hope I can pull it off...

For basically all of June & July, I had nightly panic attacks (not literally, but close) about the script; it just wasn't as good as I knew we needed to make it, and it took almost 2 months of hardcore wrangling & wrestling with the writer to get it into a shape that I felt comfortable with. It's still not 100% there, in my opinion, but it's what we've got, and I'll have to make it the best I can with what I have to work with. I always imagined my first big picture would be one that I'd written myself, and could have more control over, but I'm not sure I would have been any less nervous about it had that been the case. Then, a few weeks ago, we started having some huge personality clashes between some important members of our crew, and both the producer & I lost many nights of sleep wondering how to handle the situation; who to fire, who to keep, what to do in general...and truthfully, I'm not completely satisfied with some of the folks we've decided to go with, but there's nothing I can do about it now but to hope that everyone is able to play nice together & that the film isn't brought down by too much behind-the-scenes drama. I'm doing a lot of hoping lately...which I guess some would consider a step in the right direction for me, whatever the reason.

And to top it all off, I've actually had to get...horror of horrors...a cell phone (god, just typing it makes me cringe). It was totally forced upon me by my producing partner, and I told him that I knew it was expensive, and I knew it was important that I had one, and that I appreciated it very much...and that I would really, really try with all my heart not to throw this one out the car window at 75 MPH...really. So far, so good. It helps that I was able to set Tubular Bells as my ringtone...

So, that's why I've been gone, and what I've been doing. And I can't honestly say how often I'll be able to be back until it's all over & done with...sometime around the first of October. At which time, I'll either be the happiest guy on the block, or wind up drinking my sorrows away in the nearest alley...and we all know how well I handle alcohol. I've tossed around the idea of making a blog to chronicle the making of the movie, but 1. I'm not sure I'd ever have the time to write in it, and 2. that would require me to reveal my secret identity...but I'm not so sure that's such a big deal to me anymore. Reason being, all the stuff & all the people in my past that I've been hiding from simply doesn't bother me all that much nowadays. Maybe that's just because I haven't had a spare moment to worry about such things, but whatever the reason, it's felt pretty good.

I haven't spoken to or heard from Roxanne (boy, it has been a while since I've blogged; I almost typed her real name) in over 2 months now, and honestly, I really haven't thought much about it, either. I have no idea what she's up to, or who she's up to it with...although I doubt anything has changed in that department. For the record, her brother Jerry & I haven't talked since our little falling out, either...and I'm almost ashamed to say that my life has been much less stressful, at least on that front, ever since. Sometimes you just gotta let things go (yes, that was me that you just heard say that). In a lot of ways, this project accomplished more than I ever thought it would.

My mom finally bought herself a little house down the road, and my long-lost little sister is now back in my life proper, and doing very well. In fact, she's freakin' amazing; she's the smartest, prettiest, most well-adjusted kid you could ever meet, especially considering all that she's been through, which is considerable. We hit it off right away, and it was like we'd never been apart for five minutes. her mom is still stable, and although they're still having a lot of financial troubles, I've been helping them all I can, and my other sister has, as well. I'm thrilled that I have a little sister again, and the only bad thing about it is that now I realize just what a wonderful person's life that I missed out on all those years that she was gone. Thankfully, we have a lifetime to make up for it.

Alan & his wife had the baby a few weeks ago, and she was healthy as a horse & the cutest little thing you ever saw. Alan & I didn't get the name we wanted for her (his wife vetoed it for some ridiculous reasons that we'll never understand), but we at least got the same initials, which is what we planned to refer to her by anyway, so that's all good.

Lanie is still...Lanie, but she's doing well, and is finally over her ex-boyfriend, after months of pining & whining that made even me weary. To give herself something to focus on, she's now dedicating herself to the imminately attainable task of saving the life of every single goddamn stray cat on the planet, so if you see one hanging around outside your house that looks hungry, call her...she'll drive right over. And then she'll probably bring it over here. And make me sneeze. Again.

The rest of the idiot friends are all pretty much ok, too. Pete hasn't left his house in about 3 months, ever since he got World of Warcraft for a birthday present from our other friend Barry, who hasn't left his house in about six months.. Ted is going to be doing some of the music for the movie, as he's a phenomenal blues guitarist, so we've been working closely on that. My younger brother wrapped his beautiful '83 Skylark around a telephone pole while driving home drunk one night, so things are par for the course with him, too. All in all, it's pretty much the same ol' song....I just haven't had as much time to listen to it anymore.

And, of course, there was Superman. What can I say that hasn't been said already. I'm getting all vechlempt just thinking about it...

And to all my friends out there in blogland; I miss you all & I'm sorry that I haven't been able to keep up with any of you or your written lives like I'd like to. Frankie, Jamy, Brooklyn, Chica, Manda, Pro-Divorce, Bibliotecha, Paige, Charlotte, Vegas, Painkey, Pookalu, Mazer....and everybody else; I love you all & hope you've been doing fantastic...really & truly. Don't think I haven't thought about ya', 'cus I have, and I do so often. And, actually, I have kept up with most of you the best I can, even if you haven't known it.

But, for now at least, I have to leave you all with a certain amount of uncertainly (that would be a great album title...if people still made albums); I'll be around, but I'll also be pretty distracted for the next month or two. I leave town for good in a couple of weeks, and I'll be gone through the rest of August & all of September. I do most definitely plan to continue blogging when I get back, and maybe even while I'm gone if I have the chance, but I can't really say how prolific I'll be while I'm so focused on other things. If I screw this film up, I'll be...well, screwed, so for now, I'm going to have to concentrate on the task at hand.

So, that brings us to here...the uncertain future of the Ex-Boyfriend. I'm honestly more nervous than I've ever been in my life...or at least since the night I woke up and found that note from Kara on my roommate's bathroom mirror. And this time, I can't just try to fix it all by running away to the mountains. I'm about to have one of my dreams finally come true, but in the dream, it was always easy...this has been harder so far than I ever would have imagined. But I'll pull it off...somehow. I think. I hope. And when it's all over & done, the drinks are on me...even if I just have a soda.

Anyway, I gotta quit rambling & get to bed at a decent hour (still not used to that yet), but I guess I just wanted to drop in & say hi....and to tell everyone thanks for sticking around. I'll try not to be gone too long, but who knows what will happen. Oh, and for anyone dying of suspense because I never finished the J.C. story, I'll just spoil it for ya': we broke up. Now pick your jaws up off the floor & move on...I'm trying to.

Love ya'...be back soon!
-X

17 Comments:

Blogger Karen recalled...

WOOT! Hey sweety! Sure is glad to get a catch-up from you. It really looks like you're starting to realize that the past is there for a reason, but that it doesn't have to be dwelled upon all the time. From you being so blasted busy all these weeks, er, months, er, years..hehehe, you've seen that you can survive without all that blasted drama. And wowee have you ever been busy! I can't wait until your movie is done and comes out, because honey, for you, I would spend the dough to go see a movie in a theatre! Trust me, that's a big deal from me, cuz I'm a cheap bitch! :)

Now go make the best damn movie any of us has ever seen, and I'll be pullin' for ya!

BIG HUGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wednesday, August 02, 2006 3:27:00 AM  
Blogger pookalu recalled...

oh. my. god.

EXBF resurfaces. i have to check if hell froze over.

i was just thinking about emailing you to ask how your project was going. no shit.

i can't believe you have a cell phone! welcome to the 20th century!

Wednesday, August 02, 2006 5:24:00 AM  
Blogger jkrunning--Just Keep Running recalled...

Glad to have you back. Even if it's just for an update. Good luck and we'll be waiting to hear update when you can.

Wednesday, August 02, 2006 8:01:00 AM  
Blogger milowent recalled...

glad to hear the film is full steam ahead. being REALLY consumed by something for awhile is a great feeling (though it might hurt other areas for awhile), in the long run its good for your mental health, as we're seeing.

Wednesday, August 02, 2006 10:43:00 AM  
Blogger Lynn-e recalled...

It was great to read the update and to know that all is going well. Best of luck to you on the project!

Wednesday, August 02, 2006 10:51:00 AM  
Blogger D recalled...

Love and miss you too! Was thinking of you just the other day. Maybe this project has done what you needed it to do?

Wednesday, August 02, 2006 12:35:00 PM  
Blogger Grins recalled...

I was just getting to know you when you went poof. So glad to hear things are 1.) going so well for you and 2.) you'll be back!

Wednesday, August 02, 2006 8:18:00 PM  
Blogger chicaleecious recalled...

YAY, you're back!!! Just like most of the rest of blogland, I'm sure you know you had a lot of us worried, but it's good to know you are doing well and hanging in there!!!! You've got a ton of silent followers in addition to everyone else commenting here; even from my end - that I had to alert everyone I knew of, of your return :).

I am truly excited for you. I can't wait to see this film's progress! Think of them as GOOD stresses (the kind I too am experiencing in my otherwise happier job role where I get paid to write and talk!). And - talk about more Jerry Seinfeld parallels, I'm reconnected with my half brother too finally, and he'll be visiting me and staying with me a week in NY around Labor Weekend!!!!

Oh - and good luck with the cell phone. I had to replace mine when the other finally died altogether when the screen wouldn't even show. Here's a tip: I keep it in silent mode whenever I don't really have to use it :-P.

As usual, you've proven what a strong survivor you are!!!!

Love and miss you too!

Thursday, August 03, 2006 1:20:00 AM  
Blogger Jaded&Opinionated recalled...

Great post, ex!

David Duchovny had a "director's blog" while he directed his first movie, "The House of D." I never did see the movie, but I thought the blog was great. He wrote mostly about the emotional aspects of his film-making, which is what I found interesting. He didn't post, like, every day or anything, but when he did, it was rather insightful. Sometimes, he posted voice entries. So, it can be done, and it can be therapetic. I guess my point is...don't rule a director's blog out entirely.

I wish you much success with your film. And even though you have kept your anonymity pretty successfully, I hope you'll consider letting us know at some point just what movie is yours so we can go see it!

Break a leg!

Thursday, August 03, 2006 7:25:00 AM  
Blogger Priscilla recalled...

Whoop whoop! Glad that you are still alive. Good luck with the movie!

Friday, August 04, 2006 10:09:00 PM  
Blogger Caro recalled...

you've got a cheerleader in boston, x. great post--you've made me even more obsessed with you and your story.

Friday, August 04, 2006 11:08:00 PM  
Blogger Jodi recalled...

Chiming in to say your words have been missed on this medium of expression but it is great to hear that your current creative outlet is rewarding you in many ways.

Thanks for the update! I thoroughly enjoyed reading it!

Saturday, August 05, 2006 9:45:00 AM  
Blogger PAINKEY recalled...

I am glad to hear or read that you are doing well even tho you must be goin bananas!
We will be here waitin on ya. I wish you the best of luck with your new adventures. Keep mental notes if any for the blog worthy moments, we wanna hear all about the cat fights that go on, and we aint talkin about lanie's kittens either ;)
Savor the moment, stop and take it all in, bc this is what you have been waiting for....

ok, you can exhale now!

Monday, August 07, 2006 1:27:00 PM  
Blogger ohmyluv recalled...

Welcome back ex! We missed you. Good luck on that movie. Make it a good one... :)

Thursday, August 10, 2006 2:21:00 AM  
Blogger Brooklyn recalled...

I AM STILL HERE AND MISSING TALKING TO YOU.... NOW THAT YOU HAVE THE CELL GIVE ME A CALL SOME NIGHT! MAYBE WE CAN FINALLY CATCH UP....

Monday, August 14, 2006 3:33:00 PM  
Blogger Manda recalled...

wow, i thought you had abandoned us! i'm glad to hear you're doing okay. and i wish you the best of luck with your film.... please let us know when it's done. and hit me up when you're back in blogland/myspaceland/the real world..... we have so much catching up to do. :-)

Tuesday, August 15, 2006 1:17:00 PM  
Blogger hannah recalled...

A month ago I was exactly feeling how you are feeling now, in pain, crying, heart broken, and then I found this site saveabreakup.com and I followed their instructions, I had my girlfriend come back to me in no time so fast !! I was so so happy and I'm still very happy, don't give up! I suggest you view the free videos that tell you what to do on saveabreakup.com

Monday, September 20, 2010 10:24:00 PM  

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