The Tired & the Sick...

Well, there's still no good news. Yesterday, they thought that everything was going to be pretty simple & they were just going to keep her overnight, give her some medicine to help dissolve the clot, and send her home the next morning. So, last night, she was feeling a little down still, but everything looked promising, and she got to sleep somewhere around midnight, so I left her there with her mom & went home.

Sometime between Thursday night & Friday morning, something happened that made them decide they needed to take her back to surgery & insert some sort of filter into her leg to stop it from possibly reaching her lungs, and put her on a stronger medicine afterwards, that they would have to administer intravenously & monitor her in ICU while she's on it overnight.

So, the poor little thing was scared to death before she went in for her 'procedure', as they called it (I call it surgery; I don't care how simple they say it is, if they cut you open & stick something in or take something out, its goddamn surgery), but she made it through ok, although they said she'd still not 100% out of the woods yet, and may be in intensive care for a few days now. They wouldn't let anyone stay with her tonight in the ICU, but her mom said she was just going to stick around the hospital anyway. I tried to get her to go back & sleep at my place & I would stay there with her, but she wouldn't do it, so she's been there for almost 48 hours straight, without so much as a change of clothes.

Alan came back into town today, also (he moved away to start his new job & new life under his mother-in-law's regime last week), and he & his wife went for their ultrasound. Turns out they're having a girl...which just fits with the way his life has been going lately. I mean, yeah, I'm happy for them, but like I said before, that kid's gonna need all the help I can give it to be normal, and being a girl isn;t gonna make my job any easier...although we do have a seriously kick-ass name picked out for her; think superhero's girlfriends...

And I'm tired, I'm worried, and now I feel bad that I didn't stay with Lanie last night when I had the chance. And yes, I know she'll probably be ok, but it's just the thought of her, the one who constantly excercises, eats healthy, teaches yoga, and whips my ass into shape whenever she can, being the one lying over there in that hospital bed, when I'm sitting here smoking like a chimney & eating french fries at 3 in the morning...although the irony of it did make her laugh tonight, at least. I'd trade places with her in a second if I could, though. They gave her the Dr. Feelgood shot before I left, so I'm sure she's drugged up & sleeping sound, but I'll probably still worry. And should I feel bad for thinking that her nurse was cute, and for looking to see if she had a ring on? 'Cus I did...

And in response to Moon Watcher's comment, no, I don't think this will awaken some long-dormant feelings we have for each other or anything, but I don't think I could love her any more if it did, and I couldn't be any more worried about her than I already am. As I've said before, it's by far the most successful relationship I've ever had with a female, and the only thing that could kill that faster than her dying would be us getting together. Besides, we tried that already, briefly, when we first met, and had we dated for any longer than we did, I guarantee you she would be long gone from my life by now...and I would've had to set aside another color for her when I'm running low as it is....

I dunno; I just thought I was finally done with hospitals & people I love being sick for a while. I'm gonna try to pass out now; we'll see how it goes...