A million miles away...

I was about eight hours outside of Kansas City when I realized just how far I was letting all this take me. I had no idea that the flatlands of the midwest were that flat and empty...for hours I had seen nothing but a few silos and the occasional barn. The night before, I had slept over at my buddy's place in St. Louis. I arrived there after midnight, and was already dead tired from being on the road 8 hours, so I crashed almost immidiately. My friend & his wife owned a pet store, and their house was full of animals - most of which were out of sight when I arrived. He told me that they would already be gone when I woke up in the morning, but just to make myself at home & lock up when I left.

I was awakened by the sensation of something hovering over me; I thought I vaguely felt breath on my neck, so I turned over abruptly and found myself staring into the face of the most massive Pit Bull I had ever seen. His head was the size of mine and then some, and he didn't like how fast I had gotten up, because he tensed his legs and started to growl deep in his throat.

I'm not even gonna make it to Colorado, I thought. They're gonna find me torn to shreds by this mutant dog & the funeral will be closed-casket and Kara will wind up going home with Joe afterwards to drown their mutual grief....

I sloooowly eased back down and told the dog he was a good puppy in the softest voice i could imagine. He relaxed a bit and his tail started to wag, and after sniffing me for another second, he ambled away into the other room...where I heard even more dogs shuffling around.

Fuck the shower. I can't remember moving that fast since gym class; I hopped up, grabbed my bag & my shoes, jumped over the doggie gate and bolted out the door to my car. I took off while still barefoot, and didn't even get my shoes on 'til I was sitting in a McDonalds parking lot sipping a coffee 20 miles down the road.

Finally, after another night on the road, I made it over the Rockies into Colorado, and finally to my new home: Tyson's parent's garage. I called my momma to tell her I was ok & I unpacked my bags in an empty corner of the garage. There were two other guys living there as well, but one of the guys offered to give up his spot on one of the couches for me - everybody was very welcoming and made me feel right at home - and we all became fast friends.

Tyson had been up there for a few months & had made friends with all the local degenerates already, so I had a ready-made circle of friends, all of whom were extremely cool and made me feel like I was one of the gang right away. After a week, I was surprised at how much I already felt at home. I felt liberated - like I had been dipped in some kind of magic pool that washed away all the bullshit of the past year and let me see the whole world with fresh eyes again. The air even seemed cleaner and fresher there, and the scenery was even more amazing than I had imagined. We lived in a canyon right in the middle of the mountains in a little town in between Vail & Aspen, and it was like nothing I had ever seen before.

After a couple of weeks, I had already landed a job, as assistant manager of the town's only video store. I had a little bit of cash in my pocket from my savings, and after only a few days hunting, I found myself & my 3 roomates an incredible 4-bedroom house right on the side of the mountain that was way to nice & expensive for us, but somehow we suckered the landlord into letting us move in, and although we didn't have a single piece of furniture between us, that was the single coolest house I've ever lived in.

It was all built on different levels, with steps and spiral stairs leading to different floors & landings, an amazing all-glass lookout room on the side looking down the mountain, and 2 working fireplaces with enough logs in the woodshed to last all winter. We knew we couldn't afford it for long, but we bygod, we were gonna milk it for all it was worth.

We christened the place with a massive party the first weekend we were there; people came from 3 towns away, and the cars were lined up encircling the mountain pass. Tyson & his band played on the deck (one of the 2 decks, actually), and his dad stocked us with all the liquor we could handle. A guy named Arlo showed up with the best weed I had ever had in my life, and I remember standing on top of the stairs looking down into the living room and seeing just a sea of heads....most of them girls...and thinking that I could sure get used to this.

At some point, I went up to my room to look for a record, when I felt someone come up behind me and put their hand on my shoulders. I turned around, and it was a bleached-blonde, amazingly hot Filipino girl named Misty (real name alert; sorry, Misty...wherever you are) that worked with one of our roommates. I had met her the night after I'd arrived, and asked Tyson about her availability, but he said she had a boyfriend. Well, I didn't see one anywhere nearby, so I leaned over & kissed her.

A few minutes later, we were rolling around on my sleeping bag when she got up, went over to the door, and locked it. She turned back to me & took off her top, tossing it at me and laughing as she ran back over & jumped on top of me. For about 45 seconds, I was inwardly thanking all the gods that might be listening, and then...all of a sudden....something happened. I couldn't do it.

I don't mean I had some kind of erectile dysfunction or anything...it never even got that far. I mean as soon as I kissed her again and felt her bare skin against me, my mind was flooded with images of Kara. One after another...like a slideshow in my brain with no pause button....I couldn't think about anything else. I remember lying there, actually trying to push these thoughts out of my head, and telling myself will you cut it out and look at what the hell is literally in your hands!, but it was no good....I was just not into it. I didn't feel guilty, like with Heidi, I just....didn't want to be with her. I wanted to be with someone else, and even 2500 miles away & half a bottle to the wind, I could not get that girl out of my mind. It was kind of scary, actually...I always thought that kind of thing only happened in the movies...or to girls....but there I was. I told her that I had had too much to drink & needed to just lie down for a while, so she put on her shirt & went back to the party as I lay there in the dark wondering just how goddamn far away I had to go to get away from this feeling....