Wednesday, September 14, 2005

Take Away This Ball & Chain...

(music to set the mood of the period: Social Distortion - Somewhere Between Heaven & Hell)

Kara came over again the next night. We talked for a while, made out for a while, but she wouldn't let it go any farther. She told me "
You're gonna have to figure out what you want here." Well, this was about 14 years ago that she said this, and I still haven't figured it out yet, but nevertheless, I told her that I would take care of the situation with Gloria; that it was going to happen anyway...she had just given me the shove that I needed to actually do it. I asked her what would happen with us when Gloria & I broke up. She said she didn't really know, but she knew that nothing at all would happen if I didn't. So, the next day, I resolved to do something about it.

I called Gloria up & told her we had to talk. Things had already been strained between us, and I figured she was as tired of it as I was. She came over, and we talked for a while, and even though I had never broken up with anybody before (or had never done the breaking, at least), somehow, I managed it pretty painlessly.

I don't remember a single word that I said, or that she said, but I remember she didn't cry, and I thought that was a good sign since she cried at the drop of a hat. We actually hugged and said our goodbyes and I was both relieved and happy that we had managed to end it on a good note. Unfortunately, since this was my first time dumping someone, I thought it was just that simple; I actually thought that I was home free & clear, just like that. I'm laughing right now at the thought that I was ever so naive...

Regardless, after she left, I called up Kara right away & told her what had happened. Right away, she said something to the effect of "Well, I hope you don't think I'm just gonna jump in & automatically be your girlfriend...", to which I told her of course not; I just liked her & wanted to see what might happen. Gimme table scraps, anything...I'll take it. I didn't say that, but that's what I was thinking. I asked if I could see her later, and she said she couldn't that night, but she'd call me tomorrow. So, I went to bed that night content, secure, relaxed, relieved, maybe in love, and very happy...quite possibly for the last time ever.

The next day, I remember I got a call from Joe, telling me he had been talking to Eric's parents, who were moving out of the house they had lived in for years and into a condo, to try and have a fresh start after Eric's death. They didn't want to sell the house, though, and they asked Joe if he thought the 3 of us, (Joe, myself, and our friend Jeff) might be interested in renting it out. Of course we were, and since the house was empty, we could move in right away. Well, this week was turning out great so far: I finally get out of the relationship I'd been stuck in; I finally hook up with the girl I've been starry-eyed over for a year, and now we have a great house to live in that we all already love just handed to us...I should have known it was all too good to be true.

It was the day I was packing up to move my first round of boxes over. There was a knock on the backdoor, and when I answered it, Gloria was standing there...wearing her necklace...and looking at me with those sad eyes. And Kara was on the way over to help me pack...

So, I invited her in & asked what was on her mind, and she said "I miss you". Well, I miss you too, I told her, but that doesn't change all the reasons we agreed about us being wrong for each other. But, she wasn't having any of I told you guys in the beginning, she was persistent. She went on the offensive, trying to kiss me & pull me down onto the bed, but I stood my ground (I know what you're asking yourself...'What's this? Morals? He's actually refusing to sleep with her?' Ya, ok...I know I'm already a bastard & I cheated on her....well, that's the only time I've ever cheated in my life, on only happened the once and I was completely smitten with and helpless in the presence of the person I cheated with, so there...). I told her that it wasn't going to happen and that she should just go. Then she got pissed.

She started yelling at me, accusing me of things that I didn't do (while remaining completely unaware of the thing I'd actually done), and basically throwing a tantrum in my grandmother's I got loud right back. I told her she was crazy, and she needed to grow up and stop trying to live her life just to piss her mother off, and yadda yadda, she creamed some more, started to cry, cursed at me & stormed out....all of 45 seconds before Kara pulled into the driveway...I don't know how they didn't run headfirst into each other.

I told Kara what had happened; and we finished my packing & ended up going out for ice cream, and eating it in the park on the hood of my car while we sat and talked. I don't remember exactly what all we talked about that night, but I remember exactly what she looked like sitting there next to me, and I remember we started kissing after a while & almost rolled off the car. That got her to laughing & broke whatever mood I'd tried to build, so I drove us back to my house. I asked her to stay for a while, but she went home...I was willing to take it as slow as she wanted, but it was getting to the point where I wanted to be with her every second, and I remember missing her like crazy as I went to bed alone that night. Already I was starting to worry that I was hedging my bets on something that would once again cause me heartache....but truthfully I didn't care; I figured she was worth the risk.

The next night, we went to a party at her good friend Heidi's house with all the usual idiot suspects. I remember we still hadn't told anybody about what we'd been doing yet (whatever the hell that was...and it was always her idea to keep it secret, ostensibly because she didn't want to be the 'other woman'), but the whole night we were looking for excuses to sneak off away from the crowd & be alone for a few minutes. At one point, we sneaked upstairs, locked ourselves in the master bedroom for a while, and made out like gangbusters on the bed while MTV's Headbanger's Ball blared in the background...I remember they premiered the Danzig video for 'Her Black Wings' that night, and she looked impossibly sexy writhing on top of me while that song played...

I didn't see her for a couple of days after that as I was getting ready to move, but we talked, as we always did. While I was almost completely head-over-heels for her at this point - and she knew it - she was still being a bit reserved with me since I had broken up with Gloria. We still hadn't had sex again since my breakup, and she always stopped us before things went to far. But, I figured at the time that it just freaked her out a little that I had seemingly dumped a girl just for her, and I figured once she saw that I wasn't neccessarily expecting anything of her (hoping, praying, wishing, scheming maybe, but not expecting), she'd come around. Nevertheless, we could always talk about anything, at any time...she & I were never at a loss for words. We were both interested in the other's opinions and what they had to say. talking to her was so effortless...I never had to try to be...witty or anything that I'm not...I never had to do anything, it was just so natural. I've still never been able to talk to anyone else like that to this day.

Anyway, I think it was about 2 days later when I was talking to her & I got a call on the other line. This was in the days before caller I.D., and I usually don't like answering the phone anyway, so at first I ignored it. Then, they called back a second later, so i figured I'd better see who it was.
I switched over and it was mood instantly sank, as I figured I'd have to deal with the whole thing yet again, but right away I could tell she was crying. Like really crying...I couldn't even understand what she was saying. Like I said before, she was one to cry at the drop of a hat, and was pretty good at faking it when it suited her, too, so I just figured she was upset about the breakup again & wanted to try to talk it, being the warm & understanding human being that I am, I started yelling at her.

I told her I couldn't understand what the hell she was trying to say, and if she was trying to give me some guilt trip it wouldn't work, and that she shouldn't be so much of a drama queen, when all of a sudden, I heard her friend Dana grab the phone from her. She got on the line and immediately yelled in my ear something akin to "DON'T YOU SCREAM AT HER, SHE'S PREGNANT, YOU BASTARD!"...

(I wasn't gonna stop there, but it's getting late, and I realize now that makes a hell of a cliffhanger, which I won't have many opportunities to do in my's true what they say, I guess; you really can't make this stuff up)


Blogger primus inter pares recalled...

Heya... just came across your blog randomly. I clicked on "Next blog", and goddammit, I'm addicted.

That's a nasty cliffhanger...

Wednesday, September 14, 2005 6:09:00 AM  
Blogger Gregg Normal recalled...

Hi, very interesting blog dude, you got me!

Wednesday, September 14, 2005 7:06:00 AM  
Blogger My Secret Magazine recalled...

cool blog! oh my gosh, i hope she's really no preggers, i have lots of gal pals who use that line to try and gain the men they lost back so they can then dump them and feel better. lame yes but better that than her being really pregnant.

what's up with all the people posting their own blog addresses on comments? urgh! i'm starting an organization called "if i find your blog through comments, i'll never click on it dammit!" ok, name is obviously a work in progress.. but cool blog, nasty cliff hanger, i'm coming back to see what happens!

Wednesday, September 14, 2005 8:04:00 AM  
Blogger awaterpixie recalled...

HMMM...that could pose a problem... or not.


Wednesday, September 14, 2005 8:05:00 AM  
Blogger Cupcake recalled...

Ok, I'm hooked.

I'm doing sorta the same thing, but in a much more recent way. Curious to see how things progress for you.

Self discovery can be painful, don't ya think?

Wednesday, September 14, 2005 8:21:00 AM  
Blogger Midnight Express recalled...

wow! i jus love it! this is so great. i am definitely hooked onto it. im not sure if it is the story but its the way it has been written. u seem to put stuff together with alot of ease that is great. il be waiting for the rest of the story.

Wednesday, September 14, 2005 9:00:00 AM  
Blogger MandyGirl recalled...

Thanks for updating! Gives me something to do while I'm at home sick.

You do realize that your blog is gonna blow up in popularity, right? It's crack, I swear.

Wednesday, September 14, 2005 9:09:00 AM  
Blogger Ophelia recalled...

God, in so many ways I see a lot of how I used to be in Gloria and it makes me cringe. At least I never had a preggers scare.
I found this blog completely by random and I am hooked. Talk about bringing back memories of my own.
Someone commented earlier that self-discovery can be painful, but I've come to the conclusion it's a different kind of pain than slamming your hand in the door.
Good luck!

Wednesday, September 14, 2005 9:34:00 AM  
Blogger firedancerdancin recalled...

yay for updates! boo for cliffhangers! :-)

i do believe manda is correct when she says that your blog=crack. And I too have now taken a trip down memory lane...not so much to see what I could have changed or done better, but more or less to see how much I remember of my youth. Fun stuff.

I've linked your blog, and hope you don't mind.

Wednesday, September 14, 2005 9:57:00 AM  
Blogger PrincessMax recalled...

Well, I'm not sure that I've ever been part of a bona-fide pop-culture movement from the beginning (I had to watch all of Buffy and the West Wing on DVD) but I think this may be the start of something big. Uh-oh, don't let that go to your head, just keep writing like you can't see us. :-)

Wednesday, September 14, 2005 12:48:00 PM  
Blogger ambrus recalled...

i am addicted, i just came across your blog this morning and I got everything from this point all in one shot and now ... now at the most eciting part of your saga to date you tell me I have to wait?????

if i didn't for some reason desperatly need you to keep writing i would be mad:)

oh yeah, Eric's funeral really got to me. Oddly enough my boyfriend just lost a young friend named Eric to a car crash and his friends did the same thing at his funeral. Like you said maybe it was a bit tacky and perhaps a few of his relatives might have been taken aback but I think it was what he would have wanted ... and really that is what matters.

Wednesday, September 14, 2005 1:28:00 PM  
Blogger PAINKEY recalled...

Hello There, I too found your blog by hitting the next blog button. I started reading it yesterday right before it was time to leave work and I barely had a chance to catch up, man, I was hoping there was another entry....Great Blog, hopefully at the end you do get the answers or understanding you are seeking. Im gonna link you from my blog as well, hope you dont mind ;)

Wednesday, September 14, 2005 2:56:00 PM  
Blogger jack recalled...

I, too, stumbled across your experiment. Interesting concept well done. I'll be checking back.

Wednesday, September 14, 2005 5:00:00 PM  
Blogger Charlotte recalled...

holy shit man! awesome cliffhanger, you need a television show!

Wednesday, September 14, 2005 6:53:00 PM  
Blogger Manda recalled...

like Charlotte said, "holy shit."

Thursday, September 15, 2005 11:51:00 AM  
Blogger michellesarah recalled...

I'm really disliking Gloria... the colours for each ex-gf are really working, as I scroll down a sea of blue and then suddenly orange flashes past again I'm getting all mad! Just fcuk off Gloria!!

Monday, September 26, 2005 5:27:00 AM  
Blogger Brooklyn recalled...


Wednesday, November 23, 2005 11:42:00 AM  

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