Glorious's results of a misspent youth...
(music to set the mood of the period: Danzig I, Rush - Presto)
Gloria. I didn't mean for Gloria to happen (start of trend). Technically, she's the next Ex in line chronologically, but to understand our story, we have to go back in time a bit....or forward, actually, since our last story. To understand her, we have to talk about a couple of others first....
Before I get too confusing, I'm not going to get too in-depth into the aspects of my life outside of relationships unless it's relevant (or maybe it's ALL relevant...maybe that's the problem). It's a tricky situation, because I don't want this to become an autobiography or some kind of retro-diary; this Project is supposed to concern a specific aspect of my life, and truthfully, I don't know exactly how to best proceed, so I'm just gonna do it & see what happens. First, I suppose I'll have to at least sum up the time between Ex's as concicely as I can.
When we last left yours truly, I had just had my heart broken for the first time, and I had just had my good friend betray me in the process. Needless to say, I didn't take it too well, and being a teenager anyway, the seeds for disaster were plentiful & spread-ready. So, over the course of the next year, my life underwent a rapid change over to the seedier side of life. I grew my hair long, got tattooed, started smoking, discovered pot (although booze was never my bag, baby), and generally turned into everything my momma was afraid of. I wasn't such a bad little punk under it all...I was still me, and I ain't really such a bad guy, but I was pissed, and it showed.
Estranged now from my old school buddies, I found comfort & acceptance in the aptly named Wrong Crowd; a loose clique of around 20-30 kids that had a revolving door policy and fashion sense & social graces as baroque as mine at the time. In this circle of leather jackets, safety pins & eyeliner, I learned what it means to be a man. Physically, that is. Andi & I had never gotten around to doing the actual deed proper (although I heard she gave it up to Lee less than a week after we last heard from her), but lucky for me, there were a few spiky-haired fishnetted nameless nymphs willing to show me the ropes. I can't remember the name of the first one to save my life, and only glimpses of the 1 or 2 others, but they didn't mean anything....they were a means to an end, just as I was to them at the time, and we might have had Fugazi on the stereo and my shirt might have said Burning on the inside , but in my head, me & Bob Seegar were workin' on the night moves...
After about a year of walking on the wild side, I had all but forgotten Andi. Pity, too, seeing as how much I had utterly fucked my life up over her. Nevertheless, the young mind moves fast, and that year was filled with more distractions than any ever since...that should be a whole blog in itself someday of another sort. I was going nowhere fast, but I was having a grand ol' time getting there. The last thing on my mind (and you'll hear this again, too) was a girl. Maybe girlS, but not a girl. Well, okay...maybe there was one.
One of the new disreputable friends I had made was an extraordinarily talented artist & musician named Jerry. He & I had radically different tastes in almost everything, but we both liked to smoke a lot of dope & piss off the man, so it was a friendship made in heaven. Also, Jerry had a younger sister...
Her name was, and is, Roxanne. She was 14 to my 17 when we first met, and even at that young & desperate age I knew she was a little too young for me...at that point anyway. Nowadays I guess it would have been no problem, but in the 80's, people still had consciences and I never could bring myself to seriously persue it....not too seriously, anyway. She knew I always was kinda sweet on her...and who wouldn't be; she had the biggest brown eyes you ever saw and a smile that could light up six counties. She just saw me as her brother's older, geeky friend, however...so I was out of luck. Again, being young, wild & bohemian, I didn't let it get me too down, and since I knew that if nothing else the timing was not right I carried on, but I always thought about her.
In fact, for a short time...about a year, we were damn near best friends. We talked on the phone constantly, and when I visited their house, it was her room that I spent most of my time in. I tried & tried to look at her as just the younger sister I never had...but she was just so damn purty. And she could sing....I didn't mention that; she could melt your heart out right out through your flip-flops. It was tough...it was the first real crush I had had since Andi, and it was all the harder because I knew that it wasn't going to go anywhere anytime soon. But, once again, I was young & easily distracted. And boy was I about to be distracted. Boy howdy.
Gloria. I didn't mean for Gloria to happen (start of trend). Technically, she's the next Ex in line chronologically, but to understand our story, we have to go back in time a bit....or forward, actually, since our last story. To understand her, we have to talk about a couple of others first....
Before I get too confusing, I'm not going to get too in-depth into the aspects of my life outside of relationships unless it's relevant (or maybe it's ALL relevant...maybe that's the problem). It's a tricky situation, because I don't want this to become an autobiography or some kind of retro-diary; this Project is supposed to concern a specific aspect of my life, and truthfully, I don't know exactly how to best proceed, so I'm just gonna do it & see what happens. First, I suppose I'll have to at least sum up the time between Ex's as concicely as I can.
When we last left yours truly, I had just had my heart broken for the first time, and I had just had my good friend betray me in the process. Needless to say, I didn't take it too well, and being a teenager anyway, the seeds for disaster were plentiful & spread-ready. So, over the course of the next year, my life underwent a rapid change over to the seedier side of life. I grew my hair long, got tattooed, started smoking, discovered pot (although booze was never my bag, baby), and generally turned into everything my momma was afraid of. I wasn't such a bad little punk under it all...I was still me, and I ain't really such a bad guy, but I was pissed, and it showed.
Estranged now from my old school buddies, I found comfort & acceptance in the aptly named Wrong Crowd; a loose clique of around 20-30 kids that had a revolving door policy and fashion sense & social graces as baroque as mine at the time. In this circle of leather jackets, safety pins & eyeliner, I learned what it means to be a man. Physically, that is. Andi & I had never gotten around to doing the actual deed proper (although I heard she gave it up to Lee less than a week after we last heard from her), but lucky for me, there were a few spiky-haired fishnetted nameless nymphs willing to show me the ropes. I can't remember the name of the first one to save my life, and only glimpses of the 1 or 2 others, but they didn't mean anything....they were a means to an end, just as I was to them at the time, and we might have had Fugazi on the stereo and my shirt might have said Burning on the inside , but in my head, me & Bob Seegar were workin' on the night moves...
After about a year of walking on the wild side, I had all but forgotten Andi. Pity, too, seeing as how much I had utterly fucked my life up over her. Nevertheless, the young mind moves fast, and that year was filled with more distractions than any ever since...that should be a whole blog in itself someday of another sort. I was going nowhere fast, but I was having a grand ol' time getting there. The last thing on my mind (and you'll hear this again, too) was a girl. Maybe girlS, but not a girl. Well, okay...maybe there was one.
One of the new disreputable friends I had made was an extraordinarily talented artist & musician named Jerry. He & I had radically different tastes in almost everything, but we both liked to smoke a lot of dope & piss off the man, so it was a friendship made in heaven. Also, Jerry had a younger sister...
Her name was, and is, Roxanne. She was 14 to my 17 when we first met, and even at that young & desperate age I knew she was a little too young for me...at that point anyway. Nowadays I guess it would have been no problem, but in the 80's, people still had consciences and I never could bring myself to seriously persue it....not too seriously, anyway. She knew I always was kinda sweet on her...and who wouldn't be; she had the biggest brown eyes you ever saw and a smile that could light up six counties. She just saw me as her brother's older, geeky friend, however...so I was out of luck. Again, being young, wild & bohemian, I didn't let it get me too down, and since I knew that if nothing else the timing was not right I carried on, but I always thought about her.
In fact, for a short time...about a year, we were damn near best friends. We talked on the phone constantly, and when I visited their house, it was her room that I spent most of my time in. I tried & tried to look at her as just the younger sister I never had...but she was just so damn purty. And she could sing....I didn't mention that; she could melt your heart out right out through your flip-flops. It was tough...it was the first real crush I had had since Andi, and it was all the harder because I knew that it wasn't going to go anywhere anytime soon. But, once again, I was young & easily distracted. And boy was I about to be distracted. Boy howdy.
5 Comments:
I was looking for an email addy so I could guess in private...so I will give you initials instead:
- Blogger formally known as GB
- JM (this is my number one choice)
I haven't read the blog yet...but I will!
hi... how are you?
Cool premise for a blog. I can relate to messed up relationships! I hope you find what you're looking for :)
Little sisters are a minefield.
Dude....I think that maybe we're living the same life...just in seperate countries.
I am also 30-something and have had a less than excellent past where the ex's are concerned.
Good luck to you, man. Hope you find what you're looking for.
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