Saturday, March 29, 2008

Blind Faith

So we've been talking about it...and, even though neither of us has actually come out & said or suggested anything concrete, my hunch right now is that she'll probably be leaving sometime in May. She has a contract at work that runs through April, and I know she's already thinking about that as a kind of cut-off date. I mean, anything could happen at this point, but that's my prediction...not that I believe in predictions.

And yes, I know that her beliefs should not be any less valid than mine...but it's not her ideaology itself as much as the way she lets it affect her life in ways that she doesn't realize are harmful. Last night, for instance, she called me after she got off work at 7:45 and said that it was a nice night & did I want to go for a quick drive through the park? She had a bad day at work & the park makes her feel better. I was in the middle of something & didn't want to break away, so she said that she was going to drive through there on the way home...even though it's about 15 miles out of the way and it was about 15 minutes before sundown (she likes to go to the park & 'connect with nature', as she calls it). I didn't think much of it, so I told her I'd see her when she got home in a little while.

So, I lose track of time & all of a sudden, it's 9:05. I haven't heard from her, so I give her a call to make sure she's ok. She doesn't answer. Finally, at about 9:30 she calls me back & says she lost track of time & was just sitting in her car meditating...which she does out there; this park is very remote & secluded. So she comes home a few minutes later & I...very politely...try to impress on her that it might not be the safest thing for a young woman to be alone in the park after dark....as I said, it is very remote & secluded, not to mention dark. She absolutely refused to recognize this point, telling me that I should have faith in her sixth sense to make sure she's always aware & safe. She says that she has a very deep spiritual connection to that park and that she knows nothing bad could ever happen to her there...after all, nothing bad has ever happened to her in her life, so she can go out alone in the dark all she wants and I just need to have faith & not worry so much...because, in short, she has a guardian fairy godmother angel. Oh, and apparently I was being very closed-minded & refused to believe in her.

So, Jaded, in response to your comment, it's not just that she plays with crystals & listens to Yanni...it's that she makes fundamental decisions about her day-to-day life & welfare based on a bunch of baloney. I felt like I was taking crazy pills....

And it's a damn shame, but I guess I knew it from day one....and then just tried to convince myself otherwise. I'm sure she feels the same to some extent. She needs somebody to believe in her fairy godmother...and I just can't do it. We'll see what happens.

28 Comments:

Blogger Jamy recalled...

You're wrong. She needs someone to trust her. Sigh.

Saturday, March 29, 2008 6:05:00 AM  
Blogger Jaded recalled...

I really do see where your coming from. I think that sort of stuff is a bit crazy too. But she doesn't. Her parents don't. There are many, many other people in the world who believe the same things she does. The fact that you don't doesn't then render her beliefs invalid or crazy. They're just not the same as yours. And while you think the decisions are based on baloney, as do I, she doesn't see it that way at all.

I think you both deserve to be with someone who not only supports your decisions, but respects them. I still think it's not fair to either of you to be in a relationship with someone you think is crazy and competely out of touch with reality. It's not fair to you because you need something different from your partner, and it's not fair to her because you view her as somehow inferior, or unstable or crazy.

I agree with Jamy. She doesn't need you to believe in her fairy godmother. She just needs you to trust her - to trust that she knows what's best for her life and has made the best choices based on that. If you can't do that - and there's nothing wrong with not supporting something you find so "out there" - then it's time to move on.

These are just opinions, not judgements. I couldn't be with someone like her either. But how would she feel if she read these posts? Should you really stay with someone who might be devastated to find out how you really felt about her belief system? Belief systems, whether religious, scientific, new age etc., are very much a part of who we are as people, or at least that's how most people perceive them. Disdain for her belief system might feel like disdain for her as a person to her, even though it seems clear that you think she's a good person. But put yourself in her shoes...would you want to be with someone who thought the very things you hold sacred were really just whacko?

Ok, I've been long winded and I'm gonna shut up. I'm not trying to be preachy or anything. I just kept thinking about how much she might be hurt by reading this, and that she deserves to find someone who not only can deal with the way out stuff, but supports it. It might be wrong for you, but it's not wrong for her, no matter how much you might want her to see otherwise. You can lead a horse to water etc etc.

You're a good guy, Ex. You just need a woman who shares similar beliefs, or at least one who supports them without thinking you're nuts. So does she.

Saturday, March 29, 2008 3:29:00 PM  
Blogger Manda recalled...

Wow, it's glad to see you back. I had no idea you were writing again. Guess I'm going to have to play catch-up!

And obviously, my blog is gone..... but guess what? Married again! New baby! I have pictures on myspace. Come see! :)

Sunday, March 30, 2008 2:07:00 AM  
Blogger Pulha Garcia recalled...

Hi Exbf,

I have never visited your blog before and to tell you the truth I don't know exactly what to think of it yet. I do however have the impression that it is very honest and very human. I guess you find writing some kind of a redeeming experience and a way to help you understand women and life itself. And that I can identify myself with.

I wish you all the best and learn as you go, even when there is nothing to learn.

Friday, April 04, 2008 5:41:00 AM  
Blogger e recalled...

I'm sorry it didn't work out, I'm sure that it is very difficult after a year and a half to see you're heading in different directions.

Friday, April 04, 2008 1:07:00 PM  
Blogger micah recalled...

nice to see you blogging again, I just wish it were under different circumstances.

That having been said, you can't stay in a relationship where you feel like a caretaker.

The problem with her belief system is that it's so ingrained in her, that when it all comes crashing down (if it does) her world will be destroyed. She'll probably regress completely or she'll completely ignore what happens b/c she doesn't have the faculties to deal with it.

--Micah

Thursday, April 10, 2008 9:03:00 AM  
Blogger LB recalled...

I'm sure that I'm not truly going to be telling you anything that you don't already know, but there seems a very good reason for how you ended up here. It appears to me that your life has always been greatly affected by the women in it, and that being from what seems to be a small town (or area) you have been quite unable to escape the women from your past. This blog amplified that when you rehashed everything trying to get to the bottom of it all. You were nearing the present in your chronological writing journey and running out of steam and probably getting lonely and then... you met Annette. Annette was new and attractive and had nothing to do with anything from your messy past. What could be more enticing at such a time?

So you fell headlong. Then you got involved. Then you got serious. And then you ended up in a place where you knew that you probably shouldn't continue the relationship, yet you didn't really feel like you could end it either. But it seems to me that the both of you are on the right track. At least it seems that you and Annette both understand that it just can't work between you.

Saturday, April 19, 2008 7:47:00 PM  
Blogger Marc F. recalled...

I dated a woman once with the same attitude. She believed that all her ills could be cured by this energy medicine movement she got involved in...and forced me into joining as well for a one time fee of $1500. Eventually, our relationship dissolved, as did the energy medicine organization because it was a load of crap. Good luck.

M
http://diaryofadisillusioneddater.blogspot.com/

Thursday, April 24, 2008 7:54:00 AM  
Blogger BiblioTECHa recalled...

Some of what happened is due to contrariness, I think. She asked for your attention, didn't get it, so the hours alone in the park (justified by her rather nontraditional belief system which she knows you disapprove of) was a little poke to you.

You know, don't waste your time thinking you missed something from "day one." Day one and Day Year and A Half have very few things in common. Things and people change.

Monday, May 05, 2008 3:30:00 PM  
Blogger Mar Del Plata recalled...

I saw your site in www.SeeMyGF.com
and i really like it. I'll tecommend it.

Vicky from canada.

Wednesday, May 07, 2008 12:08:00 AM  
Blogger C recalled...

She is confused. Help her to take a step back and to reach out to more people. Try this place where any one can meet people

Thursday, May 08, 2008 1:34:00 PM  
Blogger chicaleecious recalled...

Hey X! I check every so often to make sure you're still alive and well, and was sad to see you go dark for some time. On the one hand, I'm glad to see you back... but on the other hand, a big "uh-oh" started to flash and was a bit anxious to read further because you writing must've meant that something's gone awry... I'm sorry.

Well, I guess this is now a question on whether or not love will conquer all. I'm not quite sure yet what to think... just hoping that things will eventually pan out YOUR way.

My life on the other hand, had not been in any parallel to yours, whatsoever these days -- and I've given writing a bit of a rest.

Until next time...

Sunday, May 11, 2008 9:33:00 PM  
Blogger Desiree recalled...

Hi, I have read all of your posts, it is a very interesting story. You seem to suffer from commitmentphobia, with a major touch of narcissism, from the way you talk about the women in your life. It sounds like you will always want what you can't have, and once you know you have someone, you don't want them anymore. You are realizing this girl isn't right for you after her moving 500 miles to be with you? You admitted yourself that you knew about her tendencies from the beginning, but chose to ignore it. You have to consider the possibility you chose to ignore it because unconsciously, becasue it would allow you to have a way out later. I am not trying to sound harsh, but you need to take a good look at yourself and why you fall into this pattern in relationships, if it's something you don't want to keep repeating. You seem to display a pattern of falling into major infatuation with a woman, and then rethinking it or backing away when you know the woman is "there" for you. I don't think it has as much to do with the women you meet, it has to do with you. Take it from someone who has been in your situation, you need to look at yourself, and especially what happened in your early years with your family of origin, to be able to break this pattern and truly be happy with someone long-term. Good luck!

Saturday, May 17, 2008 4:46:00 PM  
Blogger Brandon recalled...

These are fundamental differences, my man. The good person you are wants to try to save her, but really, she doesn't want to be saved. And neither do you, in her perspective, probably. Enjoy it for what it was, brother, but I think we both know that it's the end of this chapter.

Maybe Roxanne could use a call?

Thursday, May 22, 2008 3:01:00 AM  
Blogger DaiquiriDiva recalled...

I see you've stopped blogging for a while, I suppose this event really inspires you somehow. Either way, having blind faith is something that is respectful. I hope everything works out for you.

Juice Mag: Squeeze More Out of Life

Tuesday, June 03, 2008 5:40:00 AM  
Blogger SeeMySexyGF recalled...

I'm sorry it didn't work out, I'm sure that it is very difficult after a year and a half to see you're heading in different directions.

http://seemysexygf.com/

Friday, June 06, 2008 4:36:00 AM  
Blogger J recalled...

So, what happened? I haven't read this blog in over a year and out of the blue I decided to check on you. Sorry it's not working out for you guys. I was really pulling for your happy ending.

Tuesday, June 24, 2008 1:48:00 PM  
Blogger Shirley Bongbong recalled...

Hi this is the first time I visited your blog and I am already amused. Care to visit my blog too? love-a-date.com

Sunday, June 29, 2008 7:29:00 AM  
Blogger Librariann recalled...

Wow! It is ever great that you came back--even for a short time! I didn't know how much I really missed your blog.

As far as you and Annette:

They do seem to be fundamental differences. Whether you still believe or not, your opinion of her belief system is definitely from a catholic perspective. (I should know--my mom was nun)
What it comes down to is if you love her IN SPITE of her beliefs. It doesn't sound like you have much respect for her anymore. As much as I missed your blogging--I was really hoping you were happy.

Things have a way of working themselves out. If she really left in May you are probably either wallowing, or keeping too busy to wallow. Keep your head up. I believe that the right thing will come along. You deserve it.

Monday, July 14, 2008 12:40:00 PM  
Blogger Jill recalled...

I'm glad to see that you'd done some posts this year, but I'm sorry to see your relationship with Annette isn't working as originally planned. As many others have said, fundamental belief system differences are big hurdles to overcome, but it's possible if both people wish to accept the differences . I couldn't live with someone like Annette, either, though.

So, what happened? Did she leave in May as you expected?

Perhpas you ought to have one of those deep religion and politices discussions with the next girl before moving in together.

Best wishes for you next time around.

Wednesday, July 16, 2008 9:02:00 PM  
Blogger Jen recalled...

please blog again.

Thursday, July 31, 2008 1:42:00 PM  
Blogger Andrew recalled...

This comment has been removed by the author.

Thursday, September 25, 2008 11:48:00 AM  
Blogger Andrew recalled...

try understanding rather than talking-down-to. there could be more validity to her beliefs than you might think. the power of belief itself has done so many good things. Ever experienced synchronicity, coincidences you just couldn't really explain away and so you turned your back, experienced something that just "shouldn't have happened"? Do you meditate at all? because it's actually really healthy for you, scientifically speaking. here's another little known fact. crystals or quartz as well as other minerals, when applying pressure to them, create little electro-charges that interact with preexisting magnetic fields. i didn't make it up, science has already proved this. the human body consists of a large magnetic field, centralized in the heart. it acts just like the field surrounding the earth, insofar as magnetic waves emanate from the "polar" regions and encircle the source, the earth, or in this case the heart. they proceed to flow outward, interacting with the environment, which is why living under power lines is no good for you, etc. but knowing all this, and the fact that crystals do indeed create little charges of their own, one might posit that properties of the mineral can be "passed on" in a way, even if it is all mental. people have willed bigger things into existence.
i don't know, i just felt that I ought to have said this, just to inform whoever that there are things like this in our world.
Meditation is good for other reasons too, like finding out things about yourself you might not have known previously. You never know, you may subscribe to similar things if you had a experience of your own that you couldn't explain away, and didn't turn your back to. Not saying you have, just that often people cannot realize their beliefs until an experience acts as affirmation for them. It's a big universe out there, even the forces themselves are more than we think, in terms of numbers of them. There's more than just strong/weak nuclear, gravity and "other" (i forget the name). dark energy and dark matter is just the tip. If I've offended you I apologize, I just meant to say that it's a big place we all live in, big and undiscovered in so many ways. I can understand the feelings of not wanting to delve into the big unknowns for the sake of living a "normal" life, but a lot of people find it actually helps in ways like becoming better Christians or Buddhists or Muslims or whatever. The world, when looked down upon as a whole, from the perspective of this whole, one may approach it with compassion and understanding, these being the precepts for religious environments. It's just that things have gotten skewed over time, with neglect and misinterpretation. but the main thing is that you understand the way you really desire to understand. say yes to whoever you really are. and if I'm completely out of line, i am sorry, truly. but if anything i said struck a chord with you in any little, minor way than there is some good there.
i wish you all the best

Thursday, September 25, 2008 11:54:00 AM  
Blogger cameronsharpe recalled...

It was really nice to read your blog, keep posting. Relations is not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth.

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