Friday, December 9, 2005

Circling the wagons...

I came home that day and, after a few hours of tossing & turning, finally fell into an exhausted sleep. I remember waking up and wondering for a second if the whole thing had been a dream. It was almost dark, and I had wasted the whole day already, and with a million thoughts running through my head, I knew I couldn't just sit around the house. Alan wasn't home, so I headed across the street to the bar (not Chili's), and poured my heart out to the bartender while downing about 4 vodkas along with my hot wings.

I stayed there for a few hours, and when I started to leave, I remember I noticed the time & saw that it was much later than I had thought; waking up at 6 p.m. had left me a little disoriented, on top of everything else. I started to wonder whether Kara might have tried to call or not, and besides that, I was anxious to talk to Alan about the whole thing, so I rushed home, still half-buzzed & wondering whether I should try to call her if she hadn't already called me first.

I walked up the steps into our apartment, walked through the door, and everyone was there waiting for me. Alan, Pete, Mark, Jay, Mindy...all my friends were huddled around the room, and as soon as I entered, everything went silent. I knew what was going on right away: this was an intervention. Pete spoke up first: "X, we'd like to have a word with you..."

Alright, I thought, here we go. I guess I wasn't all that surprised, we had actually joked about doing this years before, but I was still impressed that everyone actually gave a damn. Now, I know my friends, and organization is not one of our strong points, so I'm sure it was more a case of everyone was already together & talking about it, and they just figured they all gang up on me once I got home, rather than some elaborately planned event, but still, here we all were, and I knew I was about to get the business...and maybe deservedly so.

So, they started with the "We're all a little concerned about these recent developments..." bit, and even though I listened to every word they said, I remember I sat there the whole time wondering how I was going to explain to these people that, no matter what they say or how right they might be, I basically had to pursue this. I knew that, since it didn't make any sense to me, it sure wouldn't make any sense to them, but I was like a man possessed...I guess I was a man possessed, and I would not be deterred. Still...they were right, and I knew it.

I remember I told them to basically not worry; that I had dealt with it once when it had all come crashing down, and I could do it again. I said that I was fully aware of how screwed up the situation was, and that I wasn't going to just run into anything blindly; if I didn't really think there was something there to pursue, or if I saw the same trouble starting to happen again, then I wouldn't do it. In other words, I lied. Hard.

Eventually, the makeshift intervention degenerated into everyone laughing & telling funny anecdotes about stupid things I had done in the past where Kara & other girls were involved. At that moment, sitting there in my living room, I did realize that, whatever happened, I was going to be ok. I had friends that loved me & wanted to look out for me, and I knew that they would be there for me no matter how messed up things might get with Kara. It was a good feeling, and it did give me a sort of confidence I didn't recognize before...but I knew it wasn't going to change my mind about anything I did.

The next few days were fairly uneventful, from what I remember. The week went by without me hearing from her at all, and about the only thing that I remember happening was me trying to call Heidi to ask her what she thought about what had happened, but I was never able to reach her. Otherwise, I just worked through the week & waited for the phone to ring, but it never did.

The next weekend, I remember, was...well, without giving anything away, it was the weekend that an annual event takes place here, that everyone basically uses as an excuse to go out & get extremely drunk in the park all day. I had to work that Saturday afternoon, so I didn't get to go along with Alan & Pete like we usually did. I remember I didn't really mind, as it was hot that day, and I thought there was a good chance of seeing Ted & Kara there (assuming that she hadn't dumped him yet), and as much as I longed to see her again, I didn't want to do it like that.

I got home late that afternoon, after most of the festivities would have died down. I remember I went into the kitchen to cook a frozen pizza for dinner when the phone rang. I picked it up, and it was Alan, with his customary "Hey, man.". What followed next, though, was anything but customary.

"Hey man...", I said back, "what are you guys doin'? Is the _____ over?"

"Yeah, man, it's over...", Alan said in his calm, nonchalant manner, "...and we're in jail."

Oh, fine. This is what I need.

"You're in jail?", I asked him.

"Yeah. Well we're in the drunk tank, really."

"Well, what happened?", I said.

"Well, they pulled us over, ya' see, and they asked Pete whether he'd had anything to drink..."

"Uh-huh...", I listened on.

"And, I guess he figured honesty would be the best policy to use, so he told the cop that he'd had a couple of beers..."

I remember just shaking my head as he went on...

"...and so they arrested us & put us in here, and now we're gonna need you to come bail us out, man. is that cool?"

Sure. What could be cooler? Nevertheless, I knew I had a duty. I didn't know if I had enough cash, but I had a duty; my friends were in trouble. I told him I would be there at the station in a half hour & hung up the phone. I tossed the pizza back into the freezer, grabbed my keys, and started out the door. Then the phone rang again.

I hesitated for a second before I answered it because I knew I had to run, but I thought it might be Mindy or someone calling to ask about Alan & Pete, so I picked up the phone.

Three guesses as to who it was.

The ten-second pause after I answered told me everything I needed to know, but I still waited for her to say "....Hi." She asked me how I was & I told her I was fine, and that I was glad she had called, but that I couldn't really talk right then. Before I had a chance to explain, she said "What are you doing? I want to see you.". And so we come to our first true test, I thought...

Well, I had to go; there was no way around that. I might have been hopeless in the face of Kara & her wishes, but I knew my duty to my friends had to come first; they had saved me when she had left me out to dry, after all, and even caught up in the sound of her voice asking to see me, I didn't forget that. So, I told her the situation and, wonder of wonders, she understood. I asked her how I could get in touch with her later, and she said just to call their house, that she would be sure to answer the phone, and if she didn't, just to hang up. I told her I'd see her later somehow & took off to Alan & Pete's rescue.

When I got to the police station, it turned out that I didn't have to break my bank for the bail money after all. Apparently there had been a problem with the breathalyzer that they had administered Pete's sobriety test with, and they were forced to let them go. I wondered at that point whether the universe wasn't playing games with me to keep me away from Kara, but I decided that, if it was, I was gonna beat it at it's own game somehow. The guys got their car & we convoyed home, me racing in front of them to get home in time to call Kara back.

When I got there, I all but rushed back to my room & dialed her number right away. She answered the phone, much to my relief, and asked me if I wanted to see her that night. Gee, I think I can make some time...

12 Comments:

Blogger Brooklyn recalled...

DID YOU REALLY NEED TO MAKE SOME TIME OR JUST A COUPLE OF SECONDS... COME ON NOW.... I HEARD ALL YOU NEED IS A COUPLE OF SECONDS......

THE TRUTH IS VERY HARSH......

Friday, December 09, 2005 5:02:00 PM  
Blogger Charlotte recalled...

she is messing with your heart, STAY AWAY past x self, STAY AWAY!!! :(

Friday, December 09, 2005 5:49:00 PM  
Blogger Jenn! recalled...

I'm guessing you had/have(?)a thing for punishment.

Some people are into that sort of stuff...

Friday, December 09, 2005 5:59:00 PM  
Blogger Lynn-e recalled...

You've gotta love friends that are willing to take the time to make sure you're thinking straight.

Kara is a fascinating individual...

Friday, December 09, 2005 6:17:00 PM  
Blogger ExBF recalled...

Discombobulated...I'm gonna shove those damn caps somewhere. Smarty pantses.

Charlotte, don't forget to put the crystals in the time machine...

Jenn...I don't think I had a thing for punishment, I just had a thing for her. Then again, maybe that's the same thing...

And yes, Lynne...she was.

Friday, December 09, 2005 7:37:00 PM  
Blogger Mint Tulip recalled...

For a second there I was really afraid you were just going to skip picking up your friends...And seriously, if someone is so bad for you that your friends have an intervention---planned or not, then it must be bad. Kara reminds me so much of a good friend of mine...and though I love her to death, I pity anyone who dates her. (I also pity several guys girlfriends/fiances...and at least one wife...)

Friday, December 09, 2005 8:49:00 PM  
Blogger John recalled...

A karavention! Maybe your blog readers should work up how to stage one of those, in case the need should ever arise.

We could have "karalerts" (code purple! we have code purple!) which we share over a "karamergency broadcast system." Here, let's test it now:

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Friday, December 09, 2005 9:45:00 PM  
Blogger Brooklyn recalled...

WE HAVE TALKED ABOUT THIS BEFORE .... THE CAPS STAY!!! DEAL WITH IT MONKEY BOY...

Saturday, December 10, 2005 9:45:00 AM  
Blogger Manda recalled...

you must have had some great friends. wish i had friends like that! :-)

Saturday, December 10, 2005 7:54:00 PM  
Blogger Jaded&Opinionated recalled...

Just seems to me that since this girl never truly wanted you exclusively, you ran around feeling somehow unworthy. This woman that you idolized didn't think you, as a person, deserved even a modicum of decency and respect so she slept with your friend and acted like it was no big deal. And now that she crawls back into your life, you jump through hoops to make her want you and you alone, as if by doing that, you validate your self worth. The girls who really did want you for you didn't seem to count because Kara was the one holding the measuring stick for your self esteem. Of course, she was also the one who kicked your self esteem in the nuts in the first place. Why did it never occur to you that the problem wasn't you... that maybe you weren't the one who was unworthy? Why did it never occur to you that it might just have been the other way around?

Just my opinion, which, of course, could be wrong. I'm only telling you how it looks to me from this vantage point.

Saturday, December 10, 2005 10:14:00 PM  
Blogger ExBF recalled...

Jaded,
I see waht you're saying, but even through all the drama with Kara, I don't think my self-worth was the issue; the Ego Monster was in many ways in his full bloom back then, if anything.

Yes, I did long to be with her exclusively, and I wanted her to want the same, but it wasn't because I thought I wasn't worthy of her or that she was too good for me...it was just because I wanted to be with her.

In fact, in many ways, I did know that I was too good to be kicked in the balls repeatedly by Kara, and that's why i had so doggedly tried to move on with my life the summer before....but in the presence of her, I was totally helpless. That girl did something to me that no other person has even come close to doing to this day, and as much as I knew, even at the time, that it was the wrong thing to do...I loved her.

Saturday, December 10, 2005 11:20:00 PM  
Blogger ExBF recalled...

Oh, and John....the guys would find your post funny; we worked up a set of color-coded warning protocols years ago...but they never had to be called into service.

Saturday, December 10, 2005 11:21:00 PM  

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